How to Survive Mouth Surgery

Here are some tips and tricks to get you through your latest mouth surgery. 

1. Embrace this time to avoid coworker interaction, because you literally can't talk. 

2. Don't laugh. No really. You don't realize how many muscles laughing uses until you can't use them. 

3. Embrace your liquid-only diet by repeating "This will jump start my bikini body. This will jump start my bikini body."

4. Delight in being returned to childhood for a few days by eating only spaghettios, apple sauce and tapioca pudding packs. 

5. Buy protein shakes with built-in compliments. 

6. Take advantage of your opportunity to send your loved ones really dramatic text messages. 

Domestically Dentally Disabled

I had to go to the dentist yesterday. And I cried like a small child. So much so, that they brought a second hygenist in just to whisper words of encouragement. She told me that "going to the dentist is hard, but I was doing a really good job." Which of course just made me cry harder. Yes, ladies and gentleman, that's right. I have a phobia of the dentist. To give you a picture of just how legitimate this was, they offered to help me find a dentist who practices full sedation so I could be knocked out while they work on my teeth.

Fortunately for me, dental disability is not my only fine, fine characteristic. I am also domestically disabled. If you don't believe me, check out these texts I found from my weekend adventure trying to cook Whiskey Walnut Blondies for the Super Bowl: