Choices Were Made

...that included: gorging myself on every single thing from Hillsdale that I missed the most. Conversation. Chocolate Chips in boxes. Sorority house couches. Hugs. BBQ. Dancing. Drinking. Dancing. Repeat.

Highlights:
+umm...re-read the list from above.
+getting two emails about a missing dog from our college president in my inbox
+reading blogs that specialize in un-artistic artistic photographs and one word descriptors

Lowlights:
+taxi drivers who ask ME how to get somewhere
+taxi drivers who give me grandpa(hopefully)-style cheek kisses when I'm trying to get out

Lessons learned:

+Strangers love me. Still.

+I love the midwest. Still.

+Shots will catch up with you, so don't catch up to them. 

+I really don't envy what these girls will face in 5 weeks when they suddenly move away from home.

+Real life has a shortage of hugs, naps and chocolate chips.

+Nothing makes awkward prom more awkward than taking two alumnae.

+People are nicer to you when you wear coral.

And now I'm exhausted. So that's really all I can manage for today. In the past 48 hours, I have been on every major form of transportation possible except boat (read: planes, trains, automobiles and les pieds!). Peace out, kiddos!


Linkin' up with Lisette and Sami!

My Oscar Lover

It's the Monday after the Oscars, so like every other blogger I'll be talking about....THE OSCARS. Couple points:

1. Overall--I thought this Oscars was beautiful! The stage setup was gorgeous with all those lights, and everyone was dressed so classy! I thought Seth did a great job of making it entertaining, keeping it from being too hoighty-toighty and serious. 
2. Seth--I know a lot of people are calling him out for bringing up Rhianna and Chris Brown but I've always been on the side of Jenny Johnson in continuing to call this man out. Domestic abuse is a serious issue, and if it takes continuing to call this man out awkwardly at public award shows until people realize that no, we shouldn't just leave them on their merry way and let him continue being a psycho who isn't held accountable (except with "community service." Are you kidding me? You beat the shit out of your girlfriend and all you have to do is community service?), then I'm for it. America always downplays domestic abuse and doesn't like talking about it (understandable, it's a rough subject--no pun intended).Bring it up, and continue to bring it up, until it gets addressed. 
3. JLaw--way to trip up the stairs. You proved that 20somethings everywhere are a force to be reckoned with, and that we will add to the world in amazing ways...but also very clumsy, awkward ways. 

3. Hugh and Brad--Every woman's pants heart in America dropped when you leapt to help her. 

4. Michelle Obama--really? Really? My main complaint: it's not an American awards show. So don't get on a soap box about your new initiative to keep arts in the schools in America. I'm all for the message, I just think the presenter was completely unnecessary and did not help facilitate the message. 

5. Christoph Waltz--I'VE DATED YOU. No, seriously, guys, every time I look at him...deja vu all over the place. 

Anyone? Anyone see the resemblance? Here are a few more for good measure:

Anyone? Anyone? Oh sweet Mary, mother of Abraham Lincoln, the memories are just rolling in now...he is gonna go Chris Brown if he ever finds this blog. Anyways, I dated Christoph Waltz. And that is your Monday Morning Gossip.


(ALSO...other BIG GOSSIP...stop by later this week as I reveal my FIRST EVER LINK UP with Whitney at The Observant Turtle.)

Christoph is intrigued and wants to know 

more about my link up...do you? Check back soon =)

Hot Mess: The Ombre Life

Well kids, it's that time again. Time for another rousing edition of Autumn's Unreal Life where you both laugh and cringe because you're not quite sure whether to be best friends with her or pity her. It's also that time where I stop referring to myself in the third person.

So for about a week now, I've been seeing those ads for ombre hair dye. I always wanted ombre hair, but was too broke chicken to go get it done at an actual salon. Plus, why pay $80 for something you can pay $8 for (don't answer that--there are many, many reasons)?! All day at work, I was looking forward to my after-work Target shopping spree. I had been saving my Christmas gift cards for a worthy occasion, and the occasion had come. Finally, went my cart was overflowing and I found myself questioning if it would be possible for me to push TWO carts at once, I decided it was time to go. But not without the final purchase: ombre hair dye. Dun dun dun!

Here I am in step one, remaining skeptical but hopeful that this will not make my hair turn hideous and result in having to chop inches and inches off:

Here I am in step two, beginning to seriously doubt that this dye is doing anything rather than releasing toxic fumes:

So, after leaving it on for the maximum amount of time (45 minutes), I took it out, washed it with the enclosed "special" conditioner (which smelled disgusting), wrapped it soaking wet in a bun and went to bed. In the morning, I woke up and it still smelled DISGUSTING so of course I showered, wrapped it soaking wet in a bun and made a bee-line for my car lest it freeze into icicles and break off (has anyone ever actually had that happen?).

I get to work and start telling people how much it did not work, until one very wise coworker goes "But Autumn, have you even seen it dry yet?" Uhhhhhh...cue awkwardness.

Who sits at their cubicle waiting for their hair to dye so they can see how it actually turned out? This girl. Sad to report, it doesn't look different at all. Maybe one shade lighter, tops. Apparently I can put straight up bleach on my hair for 45 minutes and only go down one shade...leading me to believe that I have SUPER NINJA HAIR.

Alright, I'm off to enjoy my ADULT SNOW DAY!!! YAY!!! Gonna cook me some spaghetti, grab a good book and relax! Hope you're all having a wonderful day!

Only the second documented snow in Missourah this winter!

Police, Hangovers, and Trivia

So Friday night I attended my first ever TRIVIA NIGHT. Here in the STL, they are a big deal. A cultural staple, if you will. Like beer, baseball and Clydesdale horses. They are like a giant potluck/booze fest where people occasionally also answer trivia questions (to validate why they're there drinking, boozing and eating). All of the money goes to different philanthropies--the one I was at was supporting building a library for a junior high that only accepts in-need students (of which there are many in STL). Anyways, bottom line--AWESOME event. However, after some Swedish fish vodka (of course I put Swedish fish IN the Swedish fish vodka) and a few turns from the good ol' box' o' vino, I decided to visit the silent auction. Now kids, when I was growing up, my father would always visit silent auction tables and put his name down just to "up the ante" as he would say. He was convinced it would inspire other people to bid. Really, it was 50/50 whether this worked. I got sent to pick up some weird shit in my day--collages of wine corks, necklaces made of maps, handmade pottery. So of course, when I visited the silent auction table, my childhood upbringing came out and I bid on a few items just to "up the ante." Buuuuut I put my date's name down. And we lost. He ended up having to pay for a magazine subscription and a giant wine basket (so maybe ultimately we won). Worst date ever? You may say yes...but I say wait a minute...After that, we went to a bar with some friends and then went home where he promptly went to work taking care of me. Water, snacks, the works. Except when I decided I didn't want the snacks anymore and would throw them half-eaten across the room only to scream "Wait! Don't let it stain the carpet." Worst date ever? That'd be me, folks. 

Saturday I stayed in bed. Obviously. I sent man-friend to go get some lunch and screamed "don't forget the vegetable! We need a vegetable!" to which he promptly pinched my cheek and said "ohhhhh we got a vegetable right here." Winner, winner chicken dinner. Then we watched Pitch Perfect for the first time...acaAMAZING. I died laughing. 

Sunday I was a domestically disabled diva and cooked all morning. And then celebrated my favorite holiday...Super Bowl Sunday. Fun fact: I watched the Super Bowl with an STL cop. During commercial breaks (because the commercials this year were shit, who's with me?) he told us how he "Saw a cat in an alley. Hit him...you're welcome" and how he uses crack rocks to bribe bums for information. He explained how this can be both positive and negative reinforcement ("I have three crack rocks and one question, how long will it take you to answer?"). Oh and he also told us about the time he broke up a domestic disturbance call...which occurred because a mom and son were having sex. Together. Then he promptly fell asleep for the rest of the game because obvi, he had a busy week. I also watched it with a Greek woman who had never seen the Super Bowl before and her deaf-in-one-ear boyfriend who kept shouting really loud. Eventually my friend and I just kind of sank back into the couch with our endless chip dips, wine and two cats. 

So that was my weekend. What was your weekend?

Linking up with Sami for Weekend update!

Bachelor Week 4: Recap

Watching girls play roller derby really does help bring out wifey material. Wait what?

HAPPY monday

I am feeling so HAPPY today that I don't even know where to begin!

For the first time in TWO WEEKS I made it through a whole day of work! PLUS--it is 70 degrees outside. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Regardless, it feels really good to be semi-healthy and warm again, and I'm starting to feel motivated again to accomplish all my goals.

I've read so many great blogs today...but I'm always torn. I'm not sure if I want my blog to be my day to day diary filled with linkups and photos of my weekend, but I do adore the interaction all these bloggers are having with eachother. So what's better: over-detailed diary style or only a few funny/meaningful/shocking posts?

Since I'm in such a HAPPY mood today, I'll share 5 things I'm looking forward to this week:

1. getting to mock the bachelor this week, and read other people mocking the bachelor

2. having ENERGY again! (even if it's not 100%, i feel so much better!)

3. READING (I'm a nerd...but I love it! blogs, books, magazines....everything! words words words!)

4. pursuing my GOALS (clean my apartment, find more writing outlets, write MORE, cross off some to-do items)

5. returning to SOCIALIZING. The end of the flu means that I can talk to people again! Yay!

Here's what I'm reading:

And here's what I just finished this weekend:

PS: Anyone know how to get the google Friend Connect button on my sidebar? This thing is driving me INSANE!

Bachelor Recap Wk 3: how did we get here?

So now that I've done my link-ups for the day, let's talk about something that we all care about and that would all make us bond 20% faster than a blog link up (kidding but not)... The Bachelor. Week 3.

Here are my notes/questions/comments/concerns/WTF moments:

Let me get this straight. Sean is vocal about being a "born-again virgin"...but he's ok with allowing millions of women to fantasize about him by making sure each episode opens with a montage of his shirtless muscles followed by a steamy shower? Really? Really?

Born-again virgin? Mmm...doubtful.

_______________________________

This show ONLY works because everyone is CONSTANTLY DRUNK. If I took a shot every time there was a screen shot where someone WASN'T holding a drink, I would never take a shot, basically. Also, they're always by a BEACH. Give me a constant supply of alcohol, a sexy man, and the beauty of a beach and of course I can fall in love in 9 weeks. Durrr.

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Why do these girls get all freaked out about group dates? Ladies, you have watched this show before. You KNOW group dates are part of the gig. Why are you surprised you're going on one? Why add extra stress to your life by bitching about something you can't change? Group dates have been here, are here, and will continue to be here all season long. Get over it.

Also..."this volleyball game is THE most important moment of my life?" Really? Really? I'm going to play that clip back to you on your wedding day (which FYI, most likely will not come from this show), or when your first child is born, or when you get that next job promotion.

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Is it just me, or are the girls this season INSANE? It's week three and they're already talking about how in love they are? And crying because they don't get to spend more time with him? You've had how much interaction with him at this point...30 minutes...tops? You are not IN LOVE with him, he is not "EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DREAMED OF IN A HUSBAND." How could you POSSIBLY tell if he is everything you ever dreamed of in a husband after 30 minutes?

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How much must it suck to have gone through years of schooling, only to be the producer who has to drive across the country and get a stupid dog for 45 seconds of camera time?

Also, remember, having one arm doesn't prevent her from falling in love...though it is 90% of what she talks about.

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Here's how I feel about Sean's comment to Kacie B: "why are you even getting involved in these things?" I'm sorry Sean, but she LIVES with these crazy women 24/7. What would you like her to do? Sit in her bedroom, door locked, and solely think about you, your abs, and your potential relationship? Realistically, she's going to get involved in drama because realistically, she's not just there to sit and think about you every second of every day. Over it.

    

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Departure scenes: Please, women, stop crying hysterically. Again..you knew him for THREE WEEKS. The worst was when that woman starts bawling and takes Sean's rejection as a personal commentary on her readiness for marriage. "I guess marriage just isn't in the cards. I thought I was open to love, but maybe I need to reassess." Babe, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You couldn't find love in front of 26 other fighting women and 90 camera crewmen? You're fine. Don't take it personal.

   

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And finally...my biggest gripe with the last episode...AshLee. Dont' get me wrong--love 'er. Great gal. But it made my mouth drop open, eyes bulge, face burn when she told Sean her adoption story and then during her little off-camera monologue talks about how wonderful it felt that he "didn't respond negatively and didn't condemn her." What? How can anyone respond negatively to you sharing that story? Or being adopted? What the hell.

P.S. Do you think any season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette has ever been subjected to a mid-season lip herpes break out? He just kissed like..20 girls in one week. That is some serious germ-spreading.