5 Phases of Unemployed Emotionz

May 20, 2015

Well la di da, look who showed up to the blog TWICE this week. Considering the only place I technically "have" to be is yoga once a week, I'm gonna take this small accomplishment with a hefty dose of self-congratulations. Killin' it, Hebbs (why yes, I do refer to myself in the third person with a shortened version of my last name in a strong, strong Michigan accent). 
Today we're going to talk about something that almost everyone experiences (but if you're lucky, not for long) and makes everyone queasy, palm-sweating, heart-pounding: unemployment. But no, no I will not give you any tips or any pointers for either getting a job or getting through the inane boredom that comes. We're just going to have ourselves a nice little chat about the phases. 

1. The Kardashian Phase


You will watch every episode. You will begin to think that maybe Kim Kardashian really is a genius business woman, and maybe she's plotting something and we're all just distracted by her beauty. And then, at the moment that you start catching yourself rewatching an episode, you switch to Phase 2. 

2. The Cleaning Phase


It starts innocently enough, and then it just never, ever ends. I will say this... since finishing my contract at my last job, my apartment has been immaculate. Immaculate. Once, I went to open the blinds and greet the morning light. The next thing I know, I had spent over two hours -- TWO HOURS -- hand cleaning each and every little blind on every window shade with a wet towel. Once, I innocently went to the bathroom. Before I knew it, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing cracks and crevices in baseboards I didn't even know I had. Do you know how many times I've cleaned my baseboards in the past three weeks? SIX TIMES. 

3. The Loner Phase


Who, me? I love being alone. Man, look at this adorable apartment I live in. Coffee date? No thanks, I like to make my lattes at home. Lunch date? No thanks, I just made pasta salad and quiche and hardboiled eggs. I cooked the entire contents of my fridge, and will never be able to eat this by myself. Look at this freedom! Look at this independence! 

4. The People Phase



You start getting really, really emotionally attached to people you don't even know. You may even give them nicknames, and create entire backstories about them. That man you see walking on the same sidewalk as you? You two are obviously best friends, he just doesn't know it yet! And that adorable old couple redoing their front lawn... well, they're obviously going to become lifelong adopted-grandparents who send you lavish wedding gifts when the time comes. It's like you're a really small gang, that only you know about. The real shame comes when you start texting your actual friends about them, "Hey! I saw knife man today! Oh and book man was back too, with a Pepsi!" They just don't understand. Book man always drinks Mountain Dew. 

5. The Comcast Phase


We might call this "Rock Bottom." This is when you start jumping up and down for joy because praise Jesus, your internet is down! Guess what? TIME TO CALL COMCAST! This could take hours! Who knows how many representatives you'll have to talk to in order to fix the problem! The options are endless! 
What's your favorite phase? 
How do you occupy yourself with never-ending amounts of time?

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What's That Mean, Dream?

May 18, 2015

WE'RE BACK. With one of my personal favorites... What's that mean, Dream? 

For you new (and returning long-time, thanks roomsicle and roomsicle's sister) readers, I have very elaborate, detailed, strange dreams. Sometimes they're just so weird that I like to take up my part-time hobby of dream interpretation and share them with you. So let's dive in, shall we?

THE DREAM

Last night, I dreamt that I was staying with Man Friend's family (whom I haven't met yet, so this was a strange dream) in Detroit (not where they actually live. What can I say, dreams are nothing but accurate). To help me meet them for the first time, Man Friend sent me a blooper reel of wedding clips from each family member's wedding. A blooper reel. Let that settle in. 

Then, we spent some time introducing ourselves at the house. We decided it would be a good idea to go karaoke-ing as a group (I hate karaoke), except the family was very adamant that when karaoke-ing we must all wear sneakers. Fortunately, when we got to the karaoke spot I was too late signing up for a slot and couldn't go. 

The dream ended when I had to go perform in a play... as a wolf. And all I could think was "how embarrassing is it that Man Friend's super, super hot mom (that is accurate to real life, she is super hot) is watching me crawl on my hands and knees and howl like a wolf? In case you're a stickler for details, the play was Arthur Miller's The Crucible, except the opening scene naked dancing girls had been replaced with wolf creatures, of which I was one (fun fact: I actually had that role in high school... but we did not do the wolf version. Our nude, flesh-toned body suits caused quite the scandal.). 


THE SYMBOLS

**All symbols analyzed by dreammoods.com, personal interpretation blah blah blah.

1. Blooper Reel of Wedding Clips
To see a wedding indicates you are preparing for a new beginning or transition in life. Shockingly, 'blooper reel' was not available on dreammoods.com, so I went with 'comedy.' Because they were some pretty funny clips. Apparently, seeing something comedic in your dream indicates that you are taking something too seriously and need to lighten up. 
So, if we combine these two, we would see that the blooper reel of wedding clips is a symbol of my need to be less uptight about my upcoming new beginning/transition. 

2. Karaoke
To dream that you are not taking part in karaoke means that you are not utilizing your talents to the fullest (and vice versa).


3. Wolves
Per usual, dreammoods.com has given us both a good and bad interpretation, and leaves it up to us worry-worts to fret. Here you go:
"A wolf symbolizes survival, beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social circumstances and blend into any situation with ease and grace. You are also a loner by choice. Negatively, the wolf represents hostility, aggression, or sneakiness. It may reflect an uncontrollable situation or an all-consuming force in your life. This could point to an obsession, an addiction or something that is beyond your control."

So basically, I am either a super sexy goddess great at social situations.... or about to self-destruct due to my all-consuming nature. Thanks, Dreammoods.


What's That Mean, Dream?

I am preparing for a new transition in life, and need to calm the eff down and take things more lightly. If I do not loosen up, I risk turning from sexy wolf goddess to crazy self-desctructive wolf. 

_____

All in all, a pretty good dream. And pretty accurate. I have been getting pretty tense about the job search lately, so I suppose I could use a good dream-reminder that the world will not end today. Thanks for joining this version of What's That Mean, Dream?. I am always available for personal dream interpretations (I just ask my roomsicle and roomsicle's sister, I provide excellent, timely assistance!). 

Laters, baby (PS let's talk about the epic failure which was the ending of that movie... laters).


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