Overwrite the Lies

January 29, 2013

Today I'm linking up with the women of the Overwrite the Lies project--a week-long social media campaign to help combat the young lies women listen to in their heads, so they might hear the truth written in their heart.
When I was in high school, girls went through a phase of calling each other a lot of negative words 'playfully' disguised as nicknames. Slut. Whore. Bitch. Anyone who has been a girl knows what I'm talking about. Girls try to say it as a joke or a passive-agressive commentary, but it still stings. It's not true. It's a lie, but it gets in your head. And your heart.
Especially mine. When I was in sixth grade, I learned that I was what I like to affectionately call a doorstep baby. My birthmom had left me on my dad's doorstep without so much as a see you later. I grew up in a loving home with devoted parents and four beautiful sisters. I was never treated any differently than any of them, and the circumstances of my birth were never dwelled on. But in high school, doubt, fear and evil crept into my mind. I started to wonder. What was the role of my birthmom in my life? Did I inherit anything from her? Would parts of my life be out of my control, simply because they were her genes? The names girls threw around carelessly in highschool--slut, whore, bitch, tease--they were all things I had once heard said of my birthmom. Was I destined to turn out like her--a bitch?
Through the grace of God, it was at this time that my junior english class was reading John Steinbeck's East of Eden. The story works its way through two brother's internal struggle after they learn their mother is a prostitute. One fears that much like the Old Testament says in stories of generations of offspring being cursed due to one ancestor's sin against God, he is condemned to be a sinner like his mother. The other finds his answer in the grace of Jesus and one word: timshel. This is the original word in the Bible, located in Genesis, that gives the first sign of the most defining characteristic of our relationship with God in comparison to other deities: free will. I've posted a short clip of the passage below:
Samuel said, “[...]Why is this word so important?”
Lee’s hand shook as he filled the delicate cups. He drank his down in one gulp. “Don’t you see?” he cried. “The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ Don’t you see?
“Yes, I see. I do see. But you do not believe this is divine law. Why do you feel its importance?”
“Ah!” said Lee. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time. I even anticipated your questions and I am well prepared. Any writing which has influenced the thinking and the lives of innumerable people is important. Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt.’ Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.”
(For a longer snippet of the novel, please click here).
And in those paragraphs, in the words of the Lord, I found the truth over the lies. Because our God loves us, trusts us, and wants the best for us: He has given us free will. The choice is ours. Jesus died to break the rules of the Old Testament and continue this free will. We can be great, or we can fall. But we are not predestined to either one.
The beauty of the Lord is this: He doesn't just take your sins away. He takes whatever shame, sin and ugliness you may have in your past and turns it into something beautiful--something for His glory. I never in a million years would have thought I would have once been a camp counselor using the story of my birthmom for His glory, or blogging about it to strangers on the internet. But that's what the love and forgiveness of Christ can do. I no longer feel trapped, scared, hopeless, helpless, abandoned or ashamed. Because I have found the truth.
So, since this week is focusing on overwriting the lies we hear, let me wrap up with this:
I am my mother. 
I am my father.
My path is set. 
Once I've fallen, count me down.
The choice is yours: timshel.

Bachelor Week 4: Recap

January 28, 2013

Watching girls play roller derby really does help bring out wifey material. Wait what?

HAPPY monday

I am feeling so HAPPY today that I don't even know where to begin!
For the first time in TWO WEEKS I made it through a whole day of work! PLUS--it is 70 degrees outside. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Regardless, it feels really good to be semi-healthy and warm again, and I'm starting to feel motivated again to accomplish all my goals.
I've read so many great blogs today...but I'm always torn. I'm not sure if I want my blog to be my day to day diary filled with linkups and photos of my weekend, but I do adore the interaction all these bloggers are having with eachother. So what's better: over-detailed diary style or only a few funny/meaningful/shocking posts?
Since I'm in such a HAPPY mood today, I'll share 5 things I'm looking forward to this week:
1. getting to mock the bachelor this week, and read other people mocking the bachelor
2. having ENERGY again! (even if it's not 100%, i feel so much better!)
3. READING (I'm a nerd...but I love it! blogs, books, magazines....everything! words words words!)
4. pursuing my GOALS (clean my apartment, find more writing outlets, write MORE, cross off some to-do items)
5. returning to SOCIALIZING. The end of the flu means that I can talk to people again! Yay!

And here's what I just finished this weekend:

PS: Anyone know how to get the google Friend Connect button on my sidebar? This thing is driving me INSANE!

Change your mind: it's ok

January 24, 2013

…miss college for all the interesting, intellectual articles you used to get to read. And for the fun school supplies you used to use to get through those long papers.

…want to do 80 different things with your life.

…to have subsisted on only tomato soup, spinach and cold/flu medicine for the past week.

…to feel like a kid again when you work from home.

…to laugh at yourself when the mechanic tells you that it wasn’t actually the Check Engine light, it was just the tire air pressure warning.

…that this song has been on repeat for three hours and puts things into words better than I could.

Linking up with A complete waste of makeup for It’s Ok Thursdays…

Bachelor Recap Wk 3: how did we get here?

January 23, 2013

So now that I've done my link-ups for the day, let's talk about something that we all care about and that would all make us bond 20% faster than a blog link up (kidding but not)... The Bachelor. Week 3.

Here are my notes/questions/comments/concerns/WTF moments:

Let me get this straight. Sean is vocal about being a "born-again virgin"...but he's ok with allowing millions of women to fantasize about him by making sure each episode opens with a montage of his shirtless muscles followed by a steamy shower? Really? Really?
Born-again virgin? Mmm...doubtful.

This show ONLY works because everyone is CONSTANTLY DRUNK. If I took a shot every time there was a screen shot where someone WASN'T holding a drink, I would never take a shot, basically. Also, they're always by a BEACH. Give me a constant supply of alcohol, a sexy man, and the beauty of a beach and of course I can fall in love in 9 weeks. Durrr.

Why do these girls get all freaked out about group dates? Ladies, you have watched this show before. You KNOW group dates are part of the gig. Why are you surprised you're going on one? Why add extra stress to your life by bitching about something you can't change? Group dates have been here, are here, and will continue to be here all season long. Get over it.
Also..."this volleyball game is THE most important moment of my life?" Really? Really? I'm going to play that clip back to you on your wedding day (which FYI, most likely will not come from this show), or when your first child is born, or when you get that next job promotion.

Is it just me, or are the girls this season INSANE? It's week three and they're already talking about how in love they are? And crying because they don't get to spend more time with him? You've had how much interaction with him at this point...30 minutes...tops? You are not IN LOVE with him, he is not "EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DREAMED OF IN A HUSBAND." How could you POSSIBLY tell if he is everything you ever dreamed of in a husband after 30 minutes?

How much must it suck to have gone through years of schooling, only to be the producer who has to drive across the country and get a stupid dog for 45 seconds of camera time?
Also, remember, having one arm doesn't prevent her from falling in love...though it is 90% of what she talks about.

Here's how I feel about Sean's comment to Kacie B: "why are you even getting involved in these things?" I'm sorry Sean, but she LIVES with these crazy women 24/7. What would you like her to do? Sit in her bedroom, door locked, and solely think about you, your abs, and your potential relationship? Realistically, she's going to get involved in drama because realistically, she's not just there to sit and think about you every second of every day. Over it.

Departure scenes: Please, women, stop crying hysterically. Again..you knew him for THREE WEEKS. The worst was when that woman starts bawling and takes Sean's rejection as a personal commentary on her readiness for marriage. "I guess marriage just isn't in the cards. I thought I was open to love, but maybe I need to reassess." Babe, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You couldn't find love in front of 26 other fighting women and 90 camera crewmen? You're fine. Don't take it personal.

And finally...my biggest gripe with the last episode...AshLee. Dont' get me wrong--love 'er. Great gal. But it made my mouth drop open, eyes bulge, face burn when she told Sean her adoption story and then during her little off-camera monologue talks about how wonderful it felt that he "didn't respond negatively and didn't condemn her." What? How can anyone respond negatively to you sharing that story? Or being adopted? What the hell.

P.S. Do you think any season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette has ever been subjected to a mid-season lip herpes break out? He just kissed like..20 girls in one week. That is some serious germ-spreading.
Hayley Larue Design