I chose an old school word, "lover," for this post. People don't take "lovers" anymore. Or maybe they do and maybe that's a conversation for another post, and maybe the discussion of the definition itself is for another post. But here's this post, written somewhere between a latte and a midterm.
It's not really any secret (is it) that I got myself into some hot water these past few (9) months. Water that got hotter the longer it went on, that type of fine increase that you don't notice because it's so gradual it barely feels like a change at all. Until suddenly you're standing in a hot tub of burning hot water that's scalding your entire body. That, my friends, is where I've been. And I'm just now sorting it out. Taking that time after you've stepped out, after the heat has finally steamed it's way out of every pore of your body where you can breathe and say the fuck was that.
So anyways. Back to lovers. And the lies that lovers tell you. Because that's what they didn't show in SATC, when Big and Carrie are lying in their hotel beds -- sheets rumpled, cigarettes (say no, kids!), and disheveled hair. They make it seem glamorous. They make it seem sexy. They make it seem like something that whips you away in a hurricane of emotion that cannot be refuted. But they don't show you the rumpled lives and the burned emotions and the disheveled souls. Because it's not natural -- as much as SATC and Mad Men say it is -- to be engaged in this type, this lover-relationship.
Here are the lies I've worked out so far.
That it is private and separate. No humans exist in a silo, and that is just a fact. "A private life is a happy life," but a private life is not a secret life. There is a difference. And at first you will be oh, so comforted by the idea of things that happen with the sacred spaces of four walls or four bed posts or two sheets. Enchanted, charmed. But things that are worth it, things that are healthy... do not need to be kept secret.
That you are an angry woman, and that is wrong. You may be jealous and angry and hurt, but that is not wrong given the circumstance. We're not meant to share our partners, no matter what TLC/Mad Men/The World might show us. Don't let your lover convince you that that nasty, bitter person is you. You're reacting to circumstances.
That it is only physical. Humans exist in tandem between the emotional and physical. You can't remove one. It's not possible. Both of you are always looking for something else. It might be companionship, shelter, human touch and warmth, emotional support, a buddy to eat with, an ear to listen... but there's always something else. Ladies, you are always, always more than just a physical commodity they lust after. There is so much damage done across the world by tearing women down to get them to believe that their entire worth is found in their body. That's a lie.
That you're in control. And I'll leave it with that. Because that is worthy of it's own, Part 2.
What lies did you hear (from lovers or others)?
Is it ever possible to have a lover-type relationship
truly as glamorous as TV makes it seem?
When I was a child, my dream job was to be Diana Sawyer. I once read an article about how Diana Sawyer's husband was a famous newscaster in LA and she was a famous newscaster in NY, and they only saw eachother once a year (I have no idea if this is/was actually true). This is why I wanted to be Diane Sawyer. Because she cared so much about her career, that she only needed to see her husband once a year.
I would work it into dinner conversation on the daily about how independent and advanced Diane was for her work-ethic. How she didn't need a man to complete her, bah humbug! I wanted to be a hot, sexy, powerful, respected Diana Sawyer with a husband I saw once a year.
Now, my dream job is to be a marketing communications executive for Catholic Charities. This is something I am super passionate about. I am a convert to Catholicism, and I have heard many, many criticisms of the Catholic church during my little Catholic lifespan. Here's the thing, there are many, many beautiful things about the Church. One of them is our strong, and continuing, tradition of philanthropy to EVERYONE -- regardless of faith, race, gender, etc. So, if I can help PROMOTE that and help UNIFY people around the idea of CHARITY without bias... then that is a win at the end of the day, to me.
--- SEPT. GOALS LINK UP ------
My September goal was to work out two times a week (slow and steady wins the race!). I actually succeeded! A huge motivator for me was losing weight for my friend's wedding, as well as that whole bra incident. Now that I've purchased new bras, I feel extra motivated to keep up the workouts because THOSE THINGS ARE EXPENSIVE AND I MUST FIT IN THEM FOR A LONG TIME, NO CHANGES.
Anyways, I hope to continue this healthy trend indefinitely (forever?). My only concern is now that it's getting dark out, I don't get as much cardio in because I don't feel super safe running around downtown after class in the dark. Hmm... guess it's time to start using that gym pass? Plus, as classes, papers, midterms and tests start piling up... I know workouts will be the first thing to go from my packed schedule.
Any advice on how to keep fitness a priority?
Who did you want to be growing up?
