Confessions of a Demanding Human

Sometimes I think that self-discovery of the fundamentals of your personality is done. But it isn't. Every once in a while you hear something about yourself and you're like...wait...what? Aww shit. Yeah.
Recently, I was told that I was too demanding. And while I would like to crawl under a table and pretend this isn't true...it's not the first time I've heard this. Being demanding makes me very successful in certain areas of my life....and not so successful in others. Womp womp, c'est la vie. So of course, as in all issues where I'm questioning my future status as a cat lady, I turned to my friend Elliott for support. 
There are few people who can insult me for two hours straight on Skype and get away with it. My friend Elliott probably being one of the few. And by few I mean like...one. Elliott has the ability to constantly bring me back to earth...which as a self-admitted high maintenance woman, I could use every once in a while. 
Within the first minute he told me I looked like an epileptic goldfish who smelled like mayonnaise. 

Then I tried to tell him my story about being told that I was too demanding. I was expecting support. What did I get? Straight up laughter. He rolled. Like he was literally rolling on the other side of the computer. 

He proceeded to tell me "You're not demanding, you're just really really mean to people you don't know. And that comes off as demanding...no, no you're demanding too." 
Shit, guys. How will I make friends? How will I ever have a successful man friend relationship? It's true. I am super mean to people in those first few weeks. If I was going to go all Freud on myself here, I would say that it's because I like to know how long they plan on sticking around before I throw myself into anything. Doorstep baby problems.  So, that was my wake up call from Elliott. He told me he loves me, but I am super rude in the first two weeks. But very worth it afterwards, he assured me. Apparently I am quite the loyal, friendly gem...if you can survive the first three weeks. Then he decided to take matters into his own hands and tweet to the person who triggered this conversation "I agree. She is super demanding."
Because my friend is a 12 year old boy. Awesome. Thanks, Elliott.  But I can't even be mad at him.  Because I need to live on his couch when I'm a demanding cat lady. 
P.S. Today is the LAST DAY to enter the birthday giveaway! Winner will be announced Monday. So head on over, check out my loverly sponsors and enter to win some great prizes! XOXO

You Don't Know Oprah

Today I have the most beautiful and witty Sevi from Ware is the Vodka. I truly have enjoyed getting to know Sevi this month, and love how she keeps it real in all her posts. She's got sass, and then some. 

Howdy Unreal Life Fans!  I’m Sevi and I’m the lady in charge over at Ware is the Vodka?!? I do hope that you drop on by, have a drink, and if you like to sew…check out a project or two from my blog. I promise you, I don’t disappoint (or at least I like to think that). Huge shout out to Autumn for having me guest post! This is my first guest post and I’m a little nervous and jittery at where even to begin. I couldn’t have a better first time opportunity with anyone else, because as unreal as Autumn’s life may be she is an absolute doll.

I’m about to get real with you on The Unreal Life. There are two people in life that I firmly believe we are on a first name basis and would be the best friends ever, Beyonce and Oprah. You see, like Beyonce and Oprah, I am pretty phenomenal. Slowly, I am waiting for my big break to sit on a yacht with Bey, Jay, Little BIC, Oprah, and Stedman enjoying fine wines and decadent meals.

Imagine the distraught when I got word that someone (in case you missed it) didn’t know who Oprah Winfrey was. I was sad for them, it’s freaking OPRAH.

 After the distraught phase, I found it hysterical. You really don’t know Oprah. I mean tell me one person who did not cry at the last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Oh, that’s right – the store clerk in Switzerland….

Then it dawned on me that Oprah was trying to contemplate buying a $38,000 handbag…. Is it made of gold? Do they skin the hide right there in front of you?

Oprah, really? IS IT MADE OF GOLD?!?

Game recognize game Oprah, you are a baller. We all know this.

Unfortunately, I’m not rolling like that because home girl can’t even decided on a $30 purse from Target most of the time. I hope we can still be friends. What I can offer you is the fact that if you were to pass me in the street, I would recognize you in a hot second. You would probably need to call security on me! As fabulous as you are, I am a little disappointed in you for not standing your ground on the handbag situation. Beyonce said it best: if you got it, flaunt it. No need to apologize for calling that store out in Switzerland (spend yo’ money Oprah), take some notes to an expert. I call people out all day, errryday – and I’m just a little ol’ blogger who thinks her writing is half decent. I may not be you, but I make sure people know who I am.

So O (can I call you O?), get back on your level lady.