[Guest Post] Worst Dating Advice

Hello Unreal Life Fans!

I'm Patricia and Kisses & Croissants is my little corner of the internet. Autumn is really awesome and was nice enough to give me the opportunity to guest post. I'm an American girl who studied abroad in college, fell madly in love with a man who barely spoke English my first week there, and moved to France after graduation to marry that hunk. I sound kind of corny already, don't I? 

That's Us!

But before finding Mr. Right (know as Monsieur Right on the blog) my first few years of dating were pretty traumatizing. You know all those girls who complain because they can't find anyone who's looking for a serious relationship? I used to have the opposite problem. 

It all started at the ripe old age of 14, when I decided that I wanted a boyfriend so that I could hold hands with someone at the football games and not look lame. About two weeks into our little msn chat/hallway relationship, he started mentioning how excited he was to marry me one day soon and spend the rest of eternity by my side. The first time he said this, I thought he was just getting caught up in the moment. But a couple of weeks worth of love e-mails later, I realized he was dead serious. Obviously, I panicked and broke up with him (over e-mail, because I was super mature at 14 years old). 

This is my yearbook photo from that year. For the record, he should have known better. Anyone who still wears t-shirts saying "Bring Your Tiara - Princess Resort" is obviously not ready or mature enough to talk about getting married.

Contrary to my mother's wishes, I really loved being single. I liked going on adventures and doing whatever I wanted without worrying about how my actions would effect my boyfriend. I never felt the need to find my other half. I was already a whole person, all by myself.

But I'm sure as a single person, you have already noticed that some people really love giving terrible unsolicited advice. It's almost like singleness is a disease and your mom some people want to cure you as soon as possible. Let me tell you about some of the real gems of crap wisdom I received.

1. You should never turn someone down for a first date.

Everyone deserves a shot, right? Wrong, especially if he seems like he could be dangerous. This is the stupidest dating rule ever. Before I realized this, I went on at least 40 dates that I really didn't want to go on, because I didn't want to seem mean. 

If you're not sure if you're interested or not yet, then go for it. Dates are all about getting to know people better. But if you're dreading the date before it even starts, or you're already complaining about it to your girlfriends, do both of you a favor and just say "no." This way neither of you wastes your time or money.

2. If you have the opportunity to marry someone and you turn them down, God will punish you.

I wish I was joking, but I really had someone tell me that when I was 18. Good heavens. 18 and single. I might as well start investing in my cat collection. I'd had recently been on dates with a few too many commitment psychos in a row (including one who told me that I needed to stop eating shrimp if I was planning on popping out babies anytime soon) and announced that I was taking a break from dating. A friend of mine then gave me the above gem of wisdom, apparently was worried about how my salvation factored into this dating thing.

I'm a religious person, and all for believing that marriage is ordained of God. But God does not want you to be miserable. He doesn't want you to try to control your gag reflex every time you think of kissing your future husband.

3. Let him make the first move, or it will never last.

Let's just not even touch on the fact that this advice is old school and super sexist. Maybe he's too shy, or you're just super gorgeous, and it's intimidating. Contrary to what you may have heard, men are terrified of rejection. As long as you aren't making all the moves (while he runs in the opposite direction), you should be fine. Do you really want to date a pig guy who would turn down an awesome girl, just because she was a little gutsy?

I made the first move with my husband, and he was relieved. Apparently, he was afraid that the exotic American girl might reject him. (What can I say? Sometimes having a foreign accent comes with benefits.) I was actually a total chicken and had sent him a Facebook invite to a Pancake Party I was throwing, because I was too afraid to ask him face to face. Maybe it was the lamest move ever, but it totally worked.

Alright Unreal Life Fans, what is the worst dating advice you've ever received? 

Patricia

Kisses & Croissants

(Seriously...by this point I will have been locked in a hotel with my coworkers for five days. Tweet me the worst dating advice you've ever heard, I'll need a break from small talk! Love, Autumn)

#notdentist

Kids. 
I am here to talk about a very serious issue. 

The issue of #notdentist. We need to talk. As you know, I've recently discovered the joy of #livedating, otherwise known as #babe or #datestalking. But date stalking is not just a one way street. Oh no--it's a two way. I do not merely get stalked, I also occasionally...stalk. 

Let's start from the beginning. 

A co-worker and I (we'll call her...Sally...to protect her identity) were talking about the man manchild who is the unknowing star of #livedating. His profession (dentistry) came up as well as where he lives, where he went to school blah blah (these are normal kitchen questions, right? I don't sound creepy yet). We discovered that Sally knew an equally annoying male from the same dental school graduation class.   She asks me his name to see if it's the same person. Problem--I don't know his last name. Soon after this, she sends me a picture of the graduating dental class.

"Show me which one he is." (Oh please, don't pretend you've never shown your friend a Facebook picture of a total rando)

He's not there.

By everything he's told me about graduation dates, schooling, etc...he should be there. He's not there. 

So. We move to Plan B. He's told me 20gazillion times the name of his "dental partner." We do a quick web search (#JONUDGIES--that's no judgies, people) and pull up the practice's web page.

He's not there.

We go into full on stalker-mode (this is my dating life on the line, durr). I call the dental office. 

"Hi, a friend of mine referred me to Dr. XXXXX's partner but I just can't remember his last name. Can you tell me his name?"

"Dr. YYYYY."

"Noooo, it definitely started with an M....@#$@ (name protected) M something..."

"No one by that name works here."

He's not there.

We pull our friend Janey in, who used to work in investigative reporting. While Sally's first vote is to stalk Facebook, Janey's first move is straight to the sex offender and prisoner public records. 

He's not there.

Phew.

Finally, I am forced to confront him for maximum clarity revealing the situation. 

"What's your last name"

"You don't know my last name?"

"No."

"XXXX" (name protected)

Janey's expert stalking investigative reporting reveals:

Profession: lie

College history: lie

This, children, is how 20/20 starts. But thanks to my friends Sally, Janey and #livedating partner Amanda...this is how 20/20 ends. With a group of friends banding together, raising red flags of awareness. If you or a loved one you know is dating a "dentist" who lives at home, has more than 100,000 tweets (no lie), sends you possessive texts like "Dinner. Seven. I'll pick you up." when you had absolutely no plans with him and invites you on trips to Texas when you've known each other for 3 days--raise the red flag. 

                  

Together, we can protect each other. 

Dating Disasters: "Babe"

It's time for another tale from the dating disasters pool. Really, I should just write all of these down to make sure I don't forget any. My top Google search term has always been "dating disasters comedy blog" and well...I'm happy to be here for you. Please, learn from my mistakes.

I recently went on a first and second (don't ask me why) date with a very potentially nice young man. Nice, conservative, Catholic, older...he had all the fixings of a potential summer fling love connection. Until he didn't. Until he started or ended every sentence with one word...

Babe.

I'm sorry. What? This is our second meeting. I am literally a stranger. You are literally a stranger. I am not your babe. Nor am I "your girl" so please don't try to mix it up with that one either. 

Babe you're so funny. 

I'll pick you up at 7 babes.

This is why I like you babes.

We got chemistry babe.

Babe.

Babe.

Babe.

[Literal Conversation from car ride]

Boy: Woah bro, that is a funny story. 

Me: I'm sorry, what? Bro? Are you friendzoning me before the date even ends?

Boy: Babe, we are definitely not in the friendzone.

Me: I mean...you called me bro.

Boy: Would you rather I called you bro or babe?

Me: Are those my only two options?

Boy: Babe you're so funny!

At this point, I am literally questioning whether he knows my name or not. For the love of all that is holy and romantic and sane, please save your terms of endearment for someone YOU ACTUALLY KNOW. 

What's the term of endearment that just grates your ears? How soon is too soon for pet names?

Letter to the Graduates, via GIFS

I think I might have found my calling guys. My "blog niche" so they say. Letters via GIFS. Eh? 

Anyways. It's graduation season. I literally had a panic attack reading everyone's graduation statuses the other day and had to remind myself that I already had a job and a place to live and didn't need to go into full on panic postgrad mode. Rough life. Then I heard a Pure Michigan commercial in Missourah and almost started crying in the car. But that's besides the point.

Dear Graduates:

It's your big moment. Which you will undoubtedly forget is your big moment because you'll be too hungover from the celebratory parties the night before. Well. It's still your big moment. Here's some advice, or general musings from someone one year out.

Post grad life is hard. It's freshman year all over again, except with more bills, more responsibilities, and less people your age standing around equally confused and helpless.

People envy your youth, your relative freedom and your wide open availability...but they also would never switch places with you. What they don't tell you: postgrad life is lonely. You go from seeing your friends 24/7, to maybe three times a week. If you're lucky. Sometimes, you count it as a good week if you have one social event. Sometimes, one social event per week is all you can handle.

But when you get lonely, remember: your phone isn't just for tweeting and roughing up selfies with vintage tints on Instagram. 

It's also for calling people. So when you get lonely, use it. 

And NOT to call your bartender. That brings me to my next point.  Bartenders are not your friends. At first, you will glory in happy hours, drink specials and the buzz of social activity that you find there. But remember, for both your emotional and financial health, their purpose is to rack your tab up. They "care" about your problem or story so long as it is a story that requires more liquor. Be careful.

I know. I'm disappointed Nick Miller isn't my bartender too.

Get off of Facebook. Get. Off. I know. You "miss them." But in the middle of stalking people who you're used to being able to reach out and touch every single day...you're going to see a lot of things that will drive you mad. Engagement announcements. Job announcements. Self-realization announcements. You're going to go crazy if you sit there and compare yourself to everyone. How did she get that job? Why am I not that comfortable with this new phase of my life? How did she make that new friend? 

The green-eyed monster is not your friend, so by all means, please don't invite yourself into his home (Facebook) and sit for a nice long chat. Get off.

You'll be broke as fuck. 

Many people will encourage you to make a budget. Do. And then realize that no matter how hard you budget, half the time you will still have no idea where your money went. Your first year is a giant teeter-totter that you can never balance. You need friends, and the surest way to make friends is to go out and do things. Repeat: you're broke as fuck. Know when to skip invites (hint: work lunches are the first to be cut), and when to say yes.


I know that this all sounds really, really harsh. And I'm sorry. But I wish above all else that I hadn't rushed into things. That I hadn't rushed into the "perfect" job, moving out and doing "adult things." You will have your entire life to work, so don't rush into it. Fill out applications. Look for jobs. But also lay in the sun. Get a book. Breathe. You just went through a four mile marathon of insanity. Breathe. Don't freak out over the fact that "everyone else has a job, I'm so behind." You're not. For every person that does have a job, there are five more just like you still pulling their hair out searching the web and living in their parents' basement. Don't move out of your parents' basement prematurely. Evil things wait for you, things that you think are "adult." Calm the fuck down. You will have 85 years of your life to do "adult things" like pay the bills and buy your own groceries and clean your bathroom. Six more months of not having to do the mundane shit you call "adulthood" is worth the small annoyance living with your parents is. Don't rush into the rest of your life. Because once you're there, you can't go back. One day, your parents won't be there. So enjoy the extra dinners while you can.

How the rest of us feel when you say how excited you are to just "be and adult" and do "adult things" in the "real world."

You never get this time in your life again. So live every day. Every day. Some days will suck ass. Some days will be cloud nine. I am telling you it's going to suck. But when it sucks, remember: it's supposed to suck. And yes, it does feel this way to everyone else. You're not alone in the fact that you're pissed off and wish you had never graduated. So in those moments, take a deep breath, get a drink, sit outside, sit on your bed. Breathe. And remind yourself it is 110% okay to feel completely lost. Stop pushing yourself. (Granted, in "my day," we didn't have a Taylor Swift song glorifying this god-awful stage in life so I'm sure now that you do being "totally lost, confused alone in the best way" is hip. You probably don't even need this list because that song told you everything you need to know (sarcasm, people).)

Anyways. Have fun, kids.
Love,
Autumn

What advice would you give new graduates?

An Emotional Graduation

This one's for me. I'm not writing it for sympathy.  I'm not writing it for any other reason than the fact that this blog is primarily for me. And when I look back at these posts in a year, I want to remember this day. This day, when it didn't hurt to think about you, write about you or see your name on my phone. This day. The day the sunshine didn't hurt.

But I'm also writing this because I want to be honest. I want you, reader, to know who I am. There's nothing better than a brand new friend who knows nothing about you, except an old friend who knows everything about you.

It's spring. All around me, I see photos of people graduating. I think of everything they're about to go through. I think of dogwood days and sunshine and my own graduation. I think of where I was at this point a year ago.

But to think of that, we need to go back a little farther.

****

During my senior year of college, I was in a super serious relationship. We fell in love. We made choices, sacrifices. Or more, I made sacrifices. But they were willing sacrifices because I had so much faith and trust in us. We put his job first. I decided not to take the GRE, not to apply to graduate schools and not to apply to any other jobs or programs until we figured out where his job would be first. If the point was to be together, it didn't make sense for me to apply to anywhere until we knew where his job would be. So I put everything on hold. We had a plan, we had a date, we had everything. Until we didn't. Or more realistically, until I didn't have it all anymore. I started getting really weird texts from him at all hours of the night talking about dark holes and dark places and not dragging me down with him. Most of our calls ended with both of us in tears, him from depression and me from trying desperately to help him through something I couldn't. And then three months later, three months of dealing with his depression and my sudden lack of concrete anything, I learned it was all a lie. There wasn't any depression. But there was another girl, that he couldn't fess up to. Thanks, Facebook. Those months were rough. Suffice to say, when I walked across that graduation stage I felt emotionally and physically drained. I didn't have a plan like most of my friends. Any plan I would've pursued, I'd missed the boat on. It was too late for grad school apps or most of the other programs I wanted. Worse than not having a plan was feeling like someone else had put me in that position of having nothing. I felt lost. Insanely, insanely lost. I hadn't just lost my boyfriend, I had lost my best friend. The person I would normally go to with these feelings of uncertainty was no longer on the other end of the phone.

And it kept going. A lot of people don't understand why it took me so long to "get over it." Because it never ended, that's why. Just when I would get going again, he'd pop up. I finally accepted a job offer halfway across the country from him, in Missouri, when he popped up again. Suddenly it was more phone calls and 3 am voicemails with hopeless declarations of love and apologies. Suddenly it was "well what if I moved there too?" I didn't want to say no. We were planning on getting married, you don't just flip a switch and suddenly not want that again. But like the first time, it ended again. It was a midnight phone call talking about how much he missed me, and then an 8 am Facebook post about his engagement to "the other woman." I realized her and I had switched roles. Suddenly I had become 'the other woman.' And that's when it ended.

*****

Here's my point. I've been R****-sober for three months now and it feels GOOD. It feels AMAZING. I finally feel like me again. I'm finally HAPPY. I look in the mirror and I don't see a girl recovering from a plan gone completely awreck. I see a girl with OPTIONS and a FUTURE and genuine HAPPINESS. And this is a big deal to me. And yes, I knew these things before. Yes I knew my self-worth wasn't rooted in that relationship. Blah blah blah. But life happens and love happens and I think anyone who has been in that type of deep love understands what I mean.

Some of you may roll your eyes. Some of you may think I'm exaggerating  Some of you may think that I shouldn't give a fuck anymore. Well, whatever. This one's for me. And for me, today, I'm EXCITED. I came out the other side of a situation that was pure insanity--fake depression, hidden girlfriends, failed futures, lost loves--and I came out laughing and healthy and happy. I gave myself a pat on the back once just for surviving it. But I'm past that. I'm better than that. I'm happy and ready and excited. Today, I'm grateful that I get to stand in the sun and make any damn choice I please. I'm happy that the thought of him no longer makes me cringe.

I feel like this is my second graduation. Now, when I stand out in the bright rays of the sunshine and look towards my future I feel uncertainty and butterflies and misgivings and excitement and joy all at once. I may be scared, but I am filled with such, such joy at the certainty that any choice I make is mine and mine alone. No one is in control of my future except me. I get to choose. Nobody's writing this story except for me. And that my friends, is a most wonderful, wonderful feeling. 

Happy graduation, Autumn.

Thank you to all of you who read through that whole thing. I hope you'll stay along for the ride--good things are to come! And a huge, huge thank you to all the women who made me feel so comfortable at the beginning of the week when I posted Dogwood Days--I couldn't have pushed publish without you. 

Choices Were Made

...that included: gorging myself on every single thing from Hillsdale that I missed the most. Conversation. Chocolate Chips in boxes. Sorority house couches. Hugs. BBQ. Dancing. Drinking. Dancing. Repeat.

Highlights:
+umm...re-read the list from above.
+getting two emails about a missing dog from our college president in my inbox
+reading blogs that specialize in un-artistic artistic photographs and one word descriptors

Lowlights:
+taxi drivers who ask ME how to get somewhere
+taxi drivers who give me grandpa(hopefully)-style cheek kisses when I'm trying to get out

Lessons learned:

+Strangers love me. Still.

+I love the midwest. Still.

+Shots will catch up with you, so don't catch up to them. 

+I really don't envy what these girls will face in 5 weeks when they suddenly move away from home.

+Real life has a shortage of hugs, naps and chocolate chips.

+Nothing makes awkward prom more awkward than taking two alumnae.

+People are nicer to you when you wear coral.

And now I'm exhausted. So that's really all I can manage for today. In the past 48 hours, I have been on every major form of transportation possible except boat (read: planes, trains, automobiles and les pieds!). Peace out, kiddos!


Linkin' up with Lisette and Sami!

Good Try

Good try, Missouri, for being almost classy till the end...

Good try, Taylor Swift, on trying to reach a new age demographic with your song "22" only to remind us you have the mental capacity of a 15 year old with the lyric line "you look like bad news i gotta have you oo ooo." Oh Tay Tay, stop being so predictable.

Good try, Facebook, on trying to influence Supreme Court decisions through your profile picture trends.

Good try, Wednesday, on trying to dampen my spirits. But I got a hot date and a cool drink waiting for me at the end of the week, and I'm feeling fine. 

Happy Wednesassyday, lovelies. What do you want to give a 'good try!' shout out to?

I'm a Tree Fairy!

The other day, I was sitting on my ass couch watching TV when a commercial with the typical adorable child came on. Instantly, I started bemoaning "childhood is wasted on children. wouldn't it be great to be a child again...just for one day?" I thought of all the things I would do as a child again for just one day: not pay bills, not complain about whatever my mom cooked for dinner--just be grateful I wasn't cooking it, get a bunch of hugs, spend all day outside just playing. Remember when we were kids and we just went outside without having anything to do? As an adult, I feel like I can't really go outside without something to do. I need to be playing a specific game, taking a specific walk, or reading a specific book. But when I was a kid I would just go outside without any specific activity in mind most times...but four hours later I was dirty, tired, happy and content.

This weekend, winter visited Missouri.

I enjoyed laying on my couch for hours...but around 4 o'clock I wanted to start ramming my head against the wall. I caught myself whining "I can't even go to my gym classes because there's so much snow. Ugh." And then I saw my neighbors outside, building a snowman. My roommate thought they were crazy and I thought they were brilliant. They wanted to be outside, so they did. I wanted to be outside, so I did. At first, I took a walk. But that can only last so long. And then...I spied it. We had already had one tree fall, and my roommate and I were waiting for others to snap from the weight of the snow.

That's cool, I didn't need to get upstairs anyways.

I was desperate for a way to stay outside. And then it came to me. I could be the self-proclaimed tree fairy of my apartment complex. I could prevent other trees from snapping by ridding them of their too-heavy snow! So I ran around and shook all the branches I could find.

It hit me. Literally, and metaphorically. Metaphorically, my wish had come true. I was a little kid for a day. I didn't have a care in the world. I ran from tree to tree to tree, up hill, down hill, across the parking lot. Just shaking branches. Letting it avalanche onto my head. Sometimes pulling the branch back like a sling-shot and using it to hit the snow off the branch ahead. Unburying some branches that were already buried completely under the snow. It was wonderful. I know it sounds simple but--no, no buts. It was simple. And it was beautiful. It was fun and simple and thrilling. Each time I shook it, shrieked, got pelted by snow, and then got to watch the branch swing two feet up in the air, snow free again I felt a huge rush.

While I was swinging away, I was reminded of this quote.

I couldn't be a kid for a day then, but I could be a kid for today. When I wanted it, the answer was "not now." As a human, I oh so often assume that means "not ever." But today was a great reminder that our God is an awesome God, and he never forgets His children--down to their littlest desire. How beautiful.  Think of everything the Lord has to keep track of. Politicians, starving children, single moms, Pope Francis running away from his body guards (again) to go bless some homeless people. All these people and burdens and prayers...and yet He remembers me, a little ol' girl in Missourah, under a tree full of snow. Out of all of the requests and prayers and petitions He gets every single day, He remembered my one, thirty-second thought, "I want to be a kid again" and He made it happen.

Some of you are probably rolling your eyes. It was frickin' snow, get over it you may say. But to me, it was more. It was a reminder that "not now" doesn't mean "not ever." And I needed this reminder, desperately.  I've been stressing over everything--money, job, Missourah. And today, I got my answer. Not now. That doesn't mean He's forgotten me or that my life is over and I just have to deal with where I am. I'll get where I need to be, when I need to be. And along the way, I'll learn some cool things. Like today, I learned the coolest way to enjoy snow as an adult. And hopefully, I saved a branch or two.

Love,
The Tree Fairy

Now that's a rosy-pink shade of exertion that even my Bar Method teacher would approve of. Brought to you for free from the great outdoors.

You're bored? Do something. You want to get off your ass?  Get up.
You want to go outside? Go outside. Is it hard? You bet. Worth it? Absolutely.

I ran from tree to tree like a total moron. Do my neighbors think I'm crazy?
Who cares. I'm fabulous.

Dream Interpretation: Part Two!

Earlier, I shared my first stab (get it...'cuz there was a needle) at dream interpretation. And since I've had a total of THREE dreams now featuring this same person (crazy Jekyll and Hyde man), that can obviously only mean one thing: we have serious issues we need to work out it should be a blog series durrrr! It's not AS entertaining, but now that I've looked up dream symbols once...I want more.

So, Dream 3: I'm searching for X (boy from last dream) at Graduation (and apparently our school was in the South and it was really hot and dusty), and I can't find him. I finally find him and we get into a huge fight about all the reasons we won't work out (nothing new there). Then, he disappears and magically reappears later with a letter. He was very specific about repeating that he could only write letters standing up and that it had taken him 5 hours to write it. It was about all his emotions...but then it turned into a storybook? With photos of old soldiers and a group of men swimming a log down a beach. X explains to me that he will never be satisfied unless he can exercise his manliness like these soldiers. We continue to fight about our relationship. Then, magically, we forget all of our reasons for hating each other and end up back together, celebrating our relationship on the beach with his family. I am gathering all of our beach supplies to leave--which are so many that I can't hold them--when his father tells X that I am a "good woman."

***

My Interpretation:

You should follow your life long dream of moving to the South and becoming an old Southern woman. in the South, you will find great things like soldiers and father-in-laws who approve of your sass. You are attracted to men who like physical exercise, although you find yourself allergic to the gym. 

(I mean...let's make this good.)

***

DreamMood.com's Interpretation:

Emotional mental issues blah blah blah. 

Sex blah blah blah.

Meeting of the subconscious blah blah blah.

Work out your issues blah blah blah. 

To dream of the direction south indicates life, expectations, and questions. Alternatively, the dream may symbolize love, passion and warmth. Or the dream may be a metaphor that a plan has "gone south" or gone awry (like this blog post).

Heat represents purity, creative energy or intense passion.

To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life. 

To dream that you are at a graduation represents your achievements. You are successfully transitioning to a higher level, and are ready to move forward and perform more important things.  


A letter signifies a new opportunity or challenge. Alternatively, the letter represents a message from your subconscious. The contents of the letter may offer you some guidance in a current situation (again...this letter told me nothing I didn't already know. Fail fest.).

Five represents your persuasiveness, spontaneity, boldness, daring nature, action, and humanity (aww, dreammoods, you're too kind! Thanks for finally not making me sound like a sexually-repressed emotional basketcase.). The number five represents the five human senses and thus may be telling you to be more in tune to your senses. Alternatively, the  number five may reflect a change in your path or that you need to alter your course. It is also the link between heaven and earth.

To see a log floating in water represents new opportunities. 

Swimming may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. 

The beach symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual. To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. To dream that you are looking toward the beach suggests that you are returning to what is familiar to you. Alternatively, you may be adapting or accepting to the changes and circumstances in your life. 

So, after reading those, maybe a second interpretation is: 

You are facing great changes and turmoil in your life. New challenges are ahead. You are both getting used to the old changes while simultaneously entering into new ones. You are the link between heaven and earth, AKA top betch go volunteer more and serve others. 

Oh, and go drink more wine.

What do you think my dream means? I'd love to hear your interpretation below! =) Or, leave you dream below and I will offer my highly trained services to interpret it for you ;)

Friday Letters

Dear Snapchat:

I have no idea what you are, or what you're used for. You're on my phone, and so far all I've managed to do is embarrass myself by drunk-snapchatting (god, so many new ways to embarrass yourself these days) a boy (yeah, boy from the creepy nurse-stabbing-me-with-a-needle dream) a picture of a moving car on a highway (no, I wasn't driving, obvi). 

Dear Lauren:
Thanks for trying to educate me on what snapchat is for. Even though I know better now, I will still assume it's to send you pictures of my socks, keyboard, and dirty hair.

Dear Ellen:
Thanks for backing me up that I'm not the only one who doesn't understand snapchat.

Dear people who told me working out in the morning would give me energy:

Dear readers:

I'm confused. Are we supposed to get healthy for ourselves, or for our ex-boyfriend so he'll notice and feel immense guilt? Pinterest is really throwing me off on this. 

Dear HR: 

Sorry I'm not sorry. This is my quiet rebellion against the quadricube.

 Dear people waiting for an update on the quadricube:
Today we played pattycake.

Aaaaaand I'm off to dream of cheese-covered bacon. Happy Friday!