Today we're going to talk about something that, surprisingly, for a community filled with women rarely comes up unless someone pays us $80+ to post a photo of a tampon. Periods. We're talking about periods today. (And no, someone didn't pay me to write on this topic and there won't be any pictures of products to buy. Lo Siento.)
I'm one of those women who has been blessed with mild periods. Super mild. Aside from the occasional headache and aching...body parts...they usually pass with just mild annoyance. But sometimes...the holy wrath of Female Woes comes down upon me and decides to make me pay for months of only mild discomfort. And when that happens, it is inevitable that I am scheduled to work at a job that requires smiling and standing and running around and smiling and standing some more. Meanwhile my insides are dying and I'm a hot mess of hormones and pain. And this is just a little insight into what that day looks like, from the eyes of the men I work with--poor souls.
Jeff, the bartender
Autumn, normally very upbeat and happy, walks in looking like a ray of death. Normally she says hi. What does she say this time?
"Where the f**k is everyone?"
Like excuse me, who am I? Am I no one? So I just ignore her.
Until I'm in the back and hear this atrocious banging sound. I come out front and Autumn is trying to clean the candle votives of useless wax by banging them on the counter. Physically banging them.
She just looks up and flatly states, "this isn't working" and hands me the whole tray of dirty votives.
Well of course that's not working.
She never did say hi.
Gabriel, the official bread-cutter and salad-maker
I put the bread on the shelf and say "Autumn, bread."
To which she promptly twists around and says
"Oh really? Is that what that f***ing is? I had no idea that's what bread looks like."
"You look like you want to eat me with your eyes.
Every month, this happen to the woman.
You look like you want to choke me, to kick me.
Oh, this is funny to you now?
Every month. Every month.
I just say ok.
These things happen."
Shamari, the dishwasher
"Oh, you're not feeling well?
Tell you what you do girl,
you get yourself a big bottle of Jack D and a few blunt--no?
Ok, well just get some whiskey and put some tea in it. You feel no pain no more baby girl."
And that my friends, is what the female period looks like according to the eyes of my male coworkers. Share your related funny stories below, or just general commiserations.