The Unreal Life: Top 10 Reasons to Marry My Best Friend

Where to begin? When I first met you, you were super quiet. But you were always down for hanging out, which I loved. And you had the healthy love for over sized floor pillows as me, so that was a huge plus. It was long after we rode an elephant together and hid your first ~~alcohol~~ water bottle in a closet that I knew we would get along well.

Wittle babies all moved in together!

And much to my sheer fortune, good luck and #blessed, we were randomly assigned to live together in the house sophomore year. And I don't really know when we became inseparable or best friends and that makes me happy. And thanks to those formative, blissful years I happen to know quite a few of your best traits and skills that Mike is getting. Mike, your wife is incredible at:
-Locating tiny wine -Vodka pong -Wednesday night rules -Sneaking quietly

-Dancing her face off -Completing someone's half-finished crafts -Dressing sexy, but professionally -Surviving bitches who think they're Sarahleeza Palin-Rice, Jr.

And then there are some other things your wife is wonderful at, that are probably her greatest assets.
Your wife is amazing at pillow talk. She is the best person to tell the minute details of your day to, and there is no detail that needs be spared. High, low, good, bad, boring...she just really is the best person to end the day with. And I know this, because she was my pillow talk buddy for three years. So cherish that, and know that at the end of a REALLY good pillow talk, she'll need an emergency run to McDonald's.

Your wife is good to grow with. Amanda grows in steady and quiet ways, which is both comforting and encouragement. I remember walking along the beach with her when we were weighing taking jobs at Pi Phi, and she said "There's no safer place to grow." And there is no safer person to grow with.
Your wife never does anything halfway. Whether it's running sorority finances or quilting or biology or... anything. She takes everything to the maximum in the most surprising, unforeseen way. So. You may think that you know what a loyal, devoted best friend for life you're getting, but if her track record shows us anything it's that she is going to take that and blow your wildest expectations.
So. That's all. I adore one of you (Amanda) and tolerate the other one of you (gross, Mike). I'm just grateful I never had to create a Pavlovian chart to curb your psychotic, possessive tendencies (but it's never too late, is it?).