Dating Disasters: Bongs and Bars

October 25, 2013


Because every good first date deserves a second date--or so I thought. Earlier this month, I went on a date with SuperHot Classmate (SHC) where we drank wine and went to Sam's Club and a car wash and laughed until my cheeks hurt. So, last week, we went on date #2. 

We met at a dive bar after I got out of class. So he was already batting a 1000 because we all know my extreme love for dive bars. Until I walked inside and he wasn't there. Fan of dive bars. Not a fan of sitting in dive bars by myself waiting. So I text him. Call him. Finally the little asshole picks up. "I'll be right in." He proceeds to walk in with the manager, and stands a good 40 feet away, not acknowledging my presence or waving or saying hello or god forbid MAKING EYE CONTACT. Another man comes up and starts hitting on me, and he still is not moved to come over. 

Finally, I go over. I get introduced to the manager. The manager gets the point (finally. How does someone so dense run a successful business?) and we sit and talk for a little bit. SHC turns and goes "let's get out of here, I've been here all day working out a business deal. Want to go back to my place for a drink?"

I know, I know. I should've said no. But I am a hopeless donor of second chances and I wanted him to be better than this. So, so much better. The first date was so fun! I couldn't believe it was ending in this awfulness! So I said yes. 

He pours me a drink, and I'm sitting on the couch when all of a sudden...I smell something. 

Homeboy just straight up whips out a bong and sits down next to me. 


Doesn't ask if I'm ok with this. Doesn't ask if I want any. 
Just smokin' away. 
Homeboy, you don't know me! 
Why, why would you do that around someone you don't know?

I decide it's time to go. I ask him to walk me to my car (which I'm extremely pissed that I even have to ask him to do) to which he responds with the potentially most self-righteous, absolute asshole of a one-liner that will live in infamy:

"You're a grown ass woman, you can take the elevator by yourself."

And then the date ended with me telling him I wasn't kidding, dragging him by the wrist to the elevator (he lives in a not-so-safe neighborhood, no way in hell was I walking down by myself). Finally, I get to the elevator, SHC in tow. As soon as I step into the elevator, he karate-chops, KARATE CHOPS, my wrist and RUNS AWAY. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Happy Friday. 
May all your dates this weekend be better than this! 

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41 comments:

  1. PLEASE never, ever go on another date with him. PLEASE.

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  2. oh my goodness... hmm he's a bit crazy!

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  3. oh dear! I hope you are getting a good old laugh about this! I love reading your dating stories! We've all been there. Keep giving second chances!

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    1. I do get a good laugh about them, and am glad you enjoy them! Thanks dear =)

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  4. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. Homeboy needs a good, swift karate chop to his lack of man parts.

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    1. We will still need to cast a super hot up and coming black actor to play him. Or maybe a rapper?

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  5. Whaaat a weirdo. Him, not you. Karate chopping someone when you're meant to be on a date is not cool. You should karate chop his notebook in class and say you thought you were having a karate chopping competition.

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  6. I'm pretty sure that I know this person.

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  7. oh goodness. This can't be real life. I may never start dating again.

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  8. is this real life? this is unbelievable!! haha

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    1. I don't call it "The Unreal Life" for nothin' girlfriend! ;)

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  9. That is insane! You deserve WAY better!

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  10. OMG!!! Darling where do you find these people?!?!? I hope that he doesn't ever try to even look at you again! This is the definition of the unreal life.

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    1. I found him in one of my GRAD CLASSES. Like seriously...how do people like this get in?!?!

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  11. Where do you find these people?!? You have a douche canoe magnet on you?!

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    1. I DO AND IT SUCKS. I found him in one of my grad classes...you would think only a certain level of intelligent people would be there but nooooooo.

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  12. what the f*ck!?! You never know how dates will go nowadays. I've been on sooo many bad dates that ended horribly too! It gets super annoying. Some people are just jerks. You'll find a nice boy soon!

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  13. This could be in a sitcom! Holy crap. That is one horrible date.

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    1. Yes. My life needs to be a sitcom. There are too many good stories not to use!

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  14. Oh my goodness. OH girl. Karate chops!!!! NO more dates with SHC!

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  15. Wooooow. Classy fellow. Hard to believe this idiot is actually a classmate of yours.

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    1. Exactly. Aren't we all a little smarter and better than this in graduate school? Really?

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  16. He wouldn't even make friend status after that- what the heck!

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  17. Wow! What a piece of work. And guys say women are the crazy ones...

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  18. Whaaaaaaat. Some people.. I have no words!

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  19. Seriously I have been on some horror show dates in my time but this one takes the cake! Wow what a complete and utter asshole I genuinely do not really know what to say I have never been so shocked by someone behaviour!
    This guy needs to be punched in the face very very hard and I am willing to offer to my services! Please never speak to him again.
    x

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  20. Wow, that is... a bad second date. The worst. Too bad, since you where all happy about the first one. Better luck next time, with another man?

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  21. Damn girl what an ass hat that guy was! I would have thrown something at him as he ran away.

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  22. WOW! Sounds like some of the jerk off's I have dated. What is wrong with guys?

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  23. You can't make this stuff up. WHAT a dillweed. How did he go from awesome to suck so quick???

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  24. Oh girl.... Sometimes I worry about finding Mr. Right and then I read posts like this. The good ones are worth waiting for and the others make a damn good blogpost!

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