First Impressions are Golden

April 5, 2013

It's no secret here that I like to endlessly mock my ex-boyfriends. But, I'm also good at poking fun at myself. It's important to have balance. So, today, I'd like to share Monogamous Mono Man's first impressions of me. First-meeting and first-impression stories are my favorite topics to ask of anyone. So, without further ado...

First Impression #1
MMM and I first met before we were even officially enrolled in the same college. We were both invited to compete in a 'Distinct Scholars' Scholarship Weekend' (Spoiler alert: when not perusing the Internet for the perfect GIF I am actually quite smart. MMM and I bonded over three things: vodka and nerdiness. Shoot. We don't have a third thing. Womp womp.). So anyways, here we are. Me, a terrified, anxious ball of nerves who couldn't remember the essay prompt and was scared shitless from an interview panel with six professors who asked me what I would say to an Arabian man who thought stoning his wife was morally acceptable. And MMM, a quiet, nervous white boy from an all-boys Lutheran school. We had to take a group picture, but the group was too wide for one shot. So naturally, all the girls had to sorority squat (foreshadowing of our bright future) in front of the boys. I was in front of MMM and accidentally hit with my boot-ay. Feeling quite sassy I turned around and said "I better not feel anything hard back there." Winner, winner chicken dinner. He confessed later that it was the dirtiest thing anyone ever said to him and the first thing he told all his friends about when he got home.

His reaction:

My reaction:

First Impression #2
MMM and I lost each other in the great sea of people that is a 1,000 person school and didn't run into each other until 3 years later, when we were juniors. We had traveled far from our nerd-days and entered into our frat-tastic days of drinking and partying. We all have that 'one spot' we went to in college, and mine was the Sigma Chi house. In Sigmachi, there were two bathrooms for parties: the first floor, dirty, sticky, smelly gross one or the basement, single one that was kept clean by a devoted group of three who kept it spotless for their shack-attacks (that's another word for sleepover partners, kids). Anyways. First impression #2: I kicked in (literally) the door to the nice bathroom downstairs and demanded MMM (halfway done peeing) get out because I had to go. He was very obliging.

His reaction:

My response:

The Final Rose First Impression #3
After yet another year, we found each other again. This time, relatively sober and fully clothed. I was at a 'Zookeeper and the Animals' party, fighting adamantly with one of his brothers over whether the feathers in my hair made me a turkey or a jungle bird. I voted jungle bird. MMM tried to come up the staircase and I blocked his way until he would vote. And that, friends, was our last first impression.

His reaction:

My reaction:

His mom's first impression
I made a holocaust joke. Which she didn't get. Womp womp. And hey--no judgies! My last French class was reading holocaust literature, in french, for four months straight. Dying babies and children and women and starvation and burning EVERY DAY. It was AWFUL. And sometimes tasteless things happen in the privacy of my sorority basement. Also, pre-gaming holocaust literature class does not make it any better. FYI. Take it from an expert.


God bless his little heart for making it through all those wildly awkward first encounters. Happy Friday, y'all. I'm off to make some bad choices and hopefully some more golden first impressions that I can blog about come Monday =)

Oh, and in honor of Back that Azz Up Friday (which has really boosted my day), I give you:

What crazy first encounters have you had?

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