When in Wine

October 9, 2013


The past 48 hours have been dominated by a little something we like to call--wine. If you haven't noticed, I tend to go big or go home on the weekdays instead of on the weekends like normal people. It's all part of the unreal life, folks. Oh gosh, where to begin? 
Let's start with this. I was not prepared. As in, so unprepared that even the cook at work asked me how long it had been since I showered. So when super hott classmate (who was less hott when he denied me access to Bow Wow, that asshole) asked me out for drinks, I was slightly flabbergasted. I mean...you denied me Bow Wow. I haven't showered in three days. The cook could use the grease in my hair instead of cooking oil. But then, a train blocked my car (this is becoming much too frequent in my life) and there was literally nothing to do. So...we went for a drink. 

And I laughed until my cheeks hurt. Like literally, sitting there holding my cheek muscles in because I wanted to die from laughing. And then the wine hit my empty stomach and shit got unreal type of jankity jank. Like when he asked me why white people were scared to look at black people and I cited fear of their "swag-like head bobs." He didn't buy that. 

And then somehow....we ended up at Sam's Club. Where I started raving about their samples and the poor man asked multiple employees if they would bring any out for me (they wouldn't). 

And then there was that time when he told me he wouldn't let his daughter carve a pumpkin because that was some "white shit" and I tried to argue that it was in fact a geographical cultural norm, and not exclusive to white people. All Midwest people carve pumpkins, damn it. 

And then we ended up in a car wash. Which is one of my most favorite things ever (true fact: I once requested for my birthday to spend the day finding the longest car wash in Michigan). 

And then we ended up back at my car, where I gave him unsolicited parenting advice about the importance of carving pumpkins. 

And that folks, is why you don't go on first dates on an empty glass of wine. 
An empty stomach. And a glass of wine. 
Clearly. 
I need food.

 photo signature-16.jpg

16 comments:

  1. Dating...you are far braver than I. How did you meet this man who is so afraid of "white shit"? Kinda weird and not progressive, no? I am inspired by your courage to put yourself out there. I have been thinking of the online dating scene but I am nervous. Any advice??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks dear!! We actually met in a grad school class we are taking this semester. I have never tried online dating, so I can't offer any advice about that. I guess in general as far as dating, I just say...go for it. It's just one date. If you don't like it, you don't have to go on another one. And don't be afraid to share some of your quirks early on (like my intense need for Sam's Club samples). If they can't appreciate those, then it's probably not going to work out.

      Delete
    2. Be real up front. How real is real? Would you come out and say things like Hi I am bisexual? Or is that too much info too soon? I am still too scared to go online. I met my ex-husband on there and I fear bumping into him. Weird.

      Delete
  2. what is it about wine that makes everything giggle-worthy? car washes, sam's club and laughing till your cheeks hurt?.... come on, this sounds like the most wonderful first date :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this so much. I'm glad someone else out there is just as awkward and ridiculous as I am on dates. I read your tweets about 15 minutes before I went on a date last night (which was NOT great) and they made me laugh and feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I made my black friend carve pumpkins with me last year, the first words out of his mouth were "why do white girls like this shit? this is nasty." You don't know what's good for you man!!! He sure liked my roasted pumpkin seeds though.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UM that sounds like a fun first date to me. And yes EVERYONE must carve a pumpkin.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wait this sounds like fantastic, very untypical first date. so much random, how could you not love it?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love me some car washes also. I love storms so car washes let me imagine I am in the craziest storm of my life. Then it is over and the sky is as blue as ever, and I feel like a complete idiot.


    http://lovehopeandfaithforever.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  8. Where have you been all of my [blogging] life? You're freaking hilar.
    So glad that I found you. *Cue I've Got My Eyes on You line from Drake*

    xo fal • falfindshappiness.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gahhh I love this comment so much!! Thank you my dear!! =)

      Delete
  9. I just recently found your blog. I'm absolutely in love with all of your stories. Especially now that I'm single and can relate to so many of your posts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YAY!! These comments are my favorite type =) I get so excited to hear other people are enjoying my stories. THANK YOU for reading!

      Delete
  10. It sounds like a not-terrible date at least, right? Other than who the hell doesn't carve pumpkins for Halloween??

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've done that before! I ended up naked in the Columbia River prancing around like I'd never get caught. I never did get caught, but the next day I had a what-was-I-thinking hangover...and I had to ask myself why there was sand in my nether-region.....
    Your date sounds awesome though!

    ReplyDelete
  12. this killed me. like so, so much.
    bravo lady. BRAVO.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Hayley Larue Design