The Waitress Life

November 8, 2013

Well kids, as everyone's weekend starts my work-weekendthing starts. C'est la vie de la waitress, bebe. Oh I just combined french, spanish and english? Holla for that dolla. Yay coffee! Alright. Here you go. My stream of consciousness as a waitress: 

"Where the eff is my bread?"

"It doesn't look like they even touched you think it's safe enough to eat?"

"Why am I here?"

"Who DOESN'T eat the full strawberry that comes with their dessert? What are you, dying in an overwhelming bath of strawberry overload? You lucky bitch you."

"Who rolled these napkins?"

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just judged someone for rolling napkins the wrong way. 
My life. What has it become?"

"Dear God please let no one order a bottle of wine tonight so I don't have to stand awkwardly at their table and open it for the five longest minutes of my life."

"A MARTINI?? Eff you sir, you should have ordered a bottle of wine."

"What I wouldn't give for a bus boy."

"No but really, where is my bread?"

Happy Friday!
Got a good waitress horror story (either as a customer or server)?
Share with me below!
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  1. Kudos to waitressing. I like to think of it as waitSTRESSing.

  2. Ahhhhahaha YES. Mine was 'please don't ask me to name the salad dressings, PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO NAME THE SALAD DRESSINGS'

  3. Got one! Once, I was working a large party, taking orders in a clockwise direction—and to everyone, it was pretty obvious how I was doing it. By the time I reached the last person of the party, the FIRST PERSON that ordered turned to me and asked why he hadn't received the drink he ordered yet. Excuse me, I forgot to turn on the technology that allows me to message the kitchen.

    Michelle @ Mishfish13

  4. I waitressed for over 5 years and still have nightmares about not being able to get to my tables! It stresses me out last night. I had one last night and I haven't even waitressed in like 3 years! GAH

  5. Having to cut a million lemons before shift was a pain! Just dealing with people who would flip out if the kitchen got something wrong. Dude, not my fault but I will try to fix it for you quit yelling.

  6. I used to waitress at a truck stop on the highway outside of a small town. There were farmers and oil rig workers everywhere. It was an exciting day every day!

  7. Oh gosh this is BRINGIN ME BACK.

  8. I have a fairly weird name and as I finished up my whole, "Hi my name's ___ and I'll be taking care of you this evening," this guy looks up and responds. "Your name is ___? What, did your parents hate you or something?" I considered asking every guy in the kitchen to spit in his food but ultimately took the high road. Still would like to kick him.

  9. I think the number one reason I was never a waitress is because I was worried about opening a bottle of wine. Too scary.

  10. Thank goodness I've never waitressed -- I would be the WORST! Seriously -- I have mad respect for the people who do because I know that I would be the biggest, bumbling idiot of all time! True life.


  11. what about when the customer asks about the different kinds of wine?! and trying to pronounce them? forget it!

  12. Those pricks that walk in 30 minutes before closing with a huge group.
    I think it takes a special type of person to be a waitress. I was clearly not that type.

  13. Oh only spilling drinks... numerous times. Thankfully it only landed in a customers lap once. I waitresses forever and and another thing I would dread was if someone asked me the special and I had forgotten it!

  14. I have those exact same thoughts. do you work at bonefish?!

  15. ahhh the joys of the restaurant industry. surprise, surprise i didn't spell restaurant right on the first try.


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Hayley Larue Design