June 19, 2013


I am here to talk about a very serious issue. 

The issue of #notdentist. We need to talk. As you know, I've recently discovered the joy of #livedating, otherwise known as #babe or #datestalking. But date stalking is not just a one way street. Oh no--it's a two way. I do not merely get stalked, I also occasionally...stalk. 

Let's start from the beginning. 

A co-worker and I (we'll call her...Sally...to protect her identity) were talking about the man manchild who is the unknowing star of #livedating. His profession (dentistry) came up as well as where he lives, where he went to school blah blah (these are normal kitchen questions, right? I don't sound creepy yet). We discovered that Sally knew an equally annoying male from the same dental school graduation class.   She asks me his name to see if it's the same person. Problem--I don't know his last name. Soon after this, she sends me a picture of the graduating dental class.

"Show me which one he is." (Oh please, don't pretend you've never shown your friend a Facebook picture of a total rando)

He's not there.

By everything he's told me about graduation dates, schooling, etc...he should be there. He's not there. 

So. We move to Plan B. He's told me 20gazillion times the name of his "dental partner." We do a quick web search (#JONUDGIES--that's no judgies, people) and pull up the practice's web page.

He's not there.

We go into full on stalker-mode (this is my dating life on the line, durr). I call the dental office. 

"Hi, a friend of mine referred me to Dr. XXXXX's partner but I just can't remember his last name. Can you tell me his name?"
"Dr. YYYYY."
"Noooo, it definitely started with an M....@#$@ (name protected) M something..."
"No one by that name works here."

He's not there.

We pull our friend Janey in, who used to work in investigative reporting. While Sally's first vote is to stalk Facebook, Janey's first move is straight to the sex offender and prisoner public records. 

He's not there.

Finally, I am forced to confront him for maximum clarity revealing the situation. 

"What's your last name"
"You don't know my last name?"
"XXXX" (name protected)

Janey's expert stalking investigative reporting reveals:
Profession: lie
College history: lie

This, children, is how 20/20 starts. But thanks to my friends Sally, Janey and #livedating partner Amanda...this is how 20/20 ends. With a group of friends banding together, raising red flags of awareness. If you or a loved one you know is dating a "dentist" who lives at home, has more than 100,000 tweets (no lie), sends you possessive texts like "Dinner. Seven. I'll pick you up." when you had absolutely no plans with him and invites you on trips to Texas when you've known each other for 3 days--raise the red flag. 


Together, we can protect each other. 

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  1. Oh my gosh. Block the creep in every possibly way.

  2. ooooh jesus, stay far, far awaaaay

  3. I was hanging on every.single.word. 20/20 couldn't even handle this kind of ish.

  4. Cannot believe this! Some dudes! Also, I hope you don't mind but your post #bloggerproz inspired me to do this post http://mypassionheartandlife.blogspot.com/2013/06/rachelprobz.html

    Thanks for the inspiration!

  5. Love it. Janey sounds awesome by the way :)

  6. I feel like I need to move in with you and protect you.

  7. AH! Good girl with the red flagging!
    Ps. I love that you said jo nudgies. #flordwopping #forever

  8. So scary, you so funny. I'm with the others...block him!

  9. Lollll but also OMG!! I'm really impressed by your Internet stalking, it's much harder these days with privacy settings and all that jazz!!

  10. Run away. I kind of hope you called him out on it. And whoa does he average 200 tweets a day or what. I totally support the investagating. You never know who ISNT a dentist :P

  11. Oh my goodness! I loved reading this post. Nice detective work by you and your friends! Thank you for linking up for Friday Funnies :)


  12. See? It pays to stalk! stay far away!

  13. Wow, I'm so glad you made those discoveries! That could've gotten scary!

  14. So so so funny. I mean, I know it's not funny that you were dating a crazy #NotDentist, but it's still ridiculous.
    Stalking save lives. I love it.


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