Dear Dorota, Part 2

January 16, 2014

Dear Dorota,
It's been a while since I last wrote, and I'm curious as to why you're still never here when I call for you. I'd like to remind you that unlike any of the Gossip Girl characters, I actually have a college degree. Don't you want to come work for someone who can provide the safety net of education? Hush Dorota, don't mention the real world or 20somethings. Just look at that shiny, shiny diploma representing the thousands of dollars I have yet to earn. It's about potential, le duh. 

Anyways. The point is. I need you. The thing is, I'm hungry. And waking up is still no easier than it was when I was a baby. You know why babies scream immediately upon opening their eyes? Because waking up is MISERABLE. You go from a warm cocoon of bliss to bright lights and noise and COLD. And my adult equivalent of being immediately picked up and soothed would be immediately opening my eyes to hot Starbucks and your beautiful, soothing face Dorota. Have I mentioned how beautiful you are lately?

And I really, really need you. See, last time I had you calling in concert-ticket-radio-contests and fetching library books. I can only assume you didn't reply to my advertisement because you found these tasks too menial for you. So I have a new one to propose. 

Learn Spanish. 

That's right Dorota. M is horrible. Terrible, really. He slips into Spanish at the dinner table in the blink of an eye and suddenly he's off talking with his friend or brother or gangster or pimp daddy or....who knows?! I'll never know because the only phrase I can distinguish as I see them turn their heads to stare at me and one whispers "No habla espagnol?" and M smiles mischievously (do I detect a smug happiness?) and answers "No, no habla espagnol."And then they continue on their merry little conversation talking about God only knows what. My bride price, obviously. 

So. Learn Spanish. Because a) I need you to spy and b) it will improve your own self-worth and you can add it to your resume (not that you'd ever leave me, obviously). 

I hope this more difficult task provides ample challenge. I'll be waiting for you here with our pint of ice cream (though I'm sure you'll make a to die for dessert when you're here) to share while you braid my hair and translate their spanish conversations for me. 

Until next time, darling Dorota.
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5 comments:

  1. Hahaha! I love this. I miss GG

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  2. El Duolingo es no bueno para tu? Lo siento mi amiga.

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  3. I was married to a man who spoke french, I couldn't understand a thing him and his friends said!!

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  4. At least its Spanish -- and not HUNGARIAN like my boo!

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  5. will you make your new employee available to me?

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