And maybe it shouldn't. Maybe you'll get to the end and only want to barf that I am dramatic. Hell, maybe I will get to the end and only want to smack myself for being dramatic. That would be a relief. A huge one.
A little over a week ago, I got a text message that made me want to absolutely hurl. And that nauseous feeling has stayed with me since then. It started with I found your blog and ended with a lot more awful things. And then that person, who I have to see on a weekly basis, took my blog and twisted and manipulated it and used it to set fire to my relationship.
That is as dramatic as it sounds.
And when it didn't work the first time, they tried it again. They poured through all my links and my posts and my pages until they found something they could use against me and they tried again. And again.
As bloggers, we always want more. More readers, more comments, more page views. You never imagine there could be a reader you don't want. And yes, we all know that sometimes readers are mean, or leave mean comments, or just don't comment at all (oh the tears). But before this, I never thought of the difference between an unwanted reader and a truly malicious reader. Someone who genuinely takes what you created and turns it into...slush. Turns it into something bad. It makes my skin creep and crawl to know that there are people out there who read your blog intentionally looking for information to use against you. And it makes my skin creep and crawl that they can turn right around and say "well you put it out there." Well, I didn't put it out there for that. I never imagined it might be used that way. For those of you looking for a different (granted, more dramatic) example, I wonder if this is how J.D. Salinger felt when the serial killer used Catcher in the Rye as his justification and inspiration for his terrible acts. I never meant it to be used like that.
When someone takes something you created, and manipulates it...it makes you sick.
And it's hard to come here and it's hard to write this because now I know. That there are truly malicious, creepy people out there. Who I would prefer knew nothing about my life or feelings or opinions. But I can't stop them, unless I stop this. And do I really want them to "win" in that sense?