Why I'm Scared to Blog

January 28, 2014

This post makes me nauseous. 

And maybe it shouldn't. Maybe you'll get to the end and only want to barf that I am dramatic. Hell, maybe I will get to the end and only want to smack myself for being dramatic. That would be a relief. A huge one. 

A little over a week ago, I got a text message that made me want to absolutely hurl. And that nauseous feeling has stayed with me since then. It started with I found your blog and ended with a lot more awful things. And then that person, who I have to see on a weekly basis, took my blog and twisted and manipulated it and used it to set fire to my relationship. 

That is as dramatic as it sounds. 

And when it didn't work the first time, they tried it again. They poured through all my links and my posts and my pages until they found something they could use against me and they tried again. And again.

As bloggers, we always want more. More readers, more comments, more page views. You never imagine there could be a reader you don't want. And yes, we all know that sometimes readers are mean, or leave mean comments, or just don't comment at all (oh the tears). But before this, I never thought of the difference between an unwanted reader and a truly malicious reader. Someone who genuinely takes what you created and turns it into...slush. Turns it into something bad. It makes my skin creep and crawl to know that there are people out there who read your blog intentionally looking for information to use against you. And it makes my skin creep and crawl that they can turn right around and say "well you put it out there." Well, I didn't put it out there for that. I never imagined it might be used that way. For those of you looking for a different (granted, more dramatic) example, I wonder if this is how J.D. Salinger felt when the serial killer used Catcher in the Rye as his justification and inspiration for his terrible acts. I never meant it to be used like that. 

When someone takes something you created, and manipulates it...it makes you sick. 

And it's hard to come here and it's hard to write this because now I know. That there are truly malicious, creepy people out there. Who I would prefer knew nothing about my life or feelings or opinions. But I can't stop them, unless I stop this. And do I really want them to "win" in that sense? 

How do you deal with malicious people?
Is blogging still worth it?

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26 comments:

  1. O. M. G.

    Have you installed Statounter on your blog? It won't block them, but it will let you know when they are on your site.

    Just remember that there are people out there who have no lives. They enjoy inflicting pain and other people. Keep blogging for yourself. I would write a whole novel here but my iPhone is not cooperating with me. Hugs!

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  2. This is horrible, but hopefully your relationship is strong enough to stand against it. I mean, certainly he knows you meant to no harm.You said it yourself that it didn't work.

    At the end of the day, you can't let people like that control your life. I think it's always worth thinking about what you put out there, but it's still your story. People will always try and bring you down. Don't let them win.

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  3. people are such pieces of shit. i've had something similar lately, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this :(

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  4. ugh, that's terrible!!! so this person is someone you know in real life since they texted you? because that's a shitty person, straight up. why would someone waste their time like that? if they don't like what you wrote, move the hell on.

    i'm sorry you have to go through that. i had sort of drama on my blog but i shut that shit down and moved on. keep blogging for you - there will always be trolls out there who just enjoy being assholes.

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  5. This is terrible. A big reason why I get really anxious about blogging. And a big reason why I censor what I blog about...most of my personal life stays personal...I don't blog about it and if I do it's generally a very generic blog post. :(

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  6. People can be so awful. Unless this is someone you work with or family — someone you can't cut out — I'd say there's no reason for them to be a part of your life, and that you'd be better off blocking their number. Ugh.

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  7. Let's just say that this "person" has something coming for them. Karma will always come around, ten fold, and in the end, it's them who will pay the most. Some people are just so unhappy, they're willing to take anyone down in their path. And that's heartbreaking, to know they are willing to manipulate, ruin, and trash their way through someone else's life just to get what they want. It really speaks of their character. Or severe lack of one.

    Keep your chin up. Blogging has its pros and cons, and this is definitely a huge con. But you have so many readers who are there for you, and some who have been in this position. You're not alone. Blogging is worth it. It's the malicious people who aren't worth it.

    And sorry this is a novel. Love and hugs to you dear.

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  8. I've gotten those texts before. Not that I wasn't expecting it because I wrote a post about a girl who is a complete... 4 letter c word, without using her name, but it was clear who she was. I'm glad someone sent it to her, she needed to read it. Didn't stop her mean texts but I sent even meaner ones back because I'm not a nice person. (It's the truth.)
    As for this person, it sucks they went after your relationship, when someone tries to take your online work and mess with your real life that purposefully, that's jealousy. It's petty and stupid and hopefully karma will work that all out. They'll get what's coming to them.

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  9. Ewww. That's awful. I can't even imagine. I had a situation about a month or so ago, when someone saw a tweet and then announced it to my exhusband. It started a big shit storm, but I hadn't even said anything that bad. I'm sending you virtual hugs because I'm sure this feels like an awful violation. I can't imagine someone having that kind of mind, and that much time on their hands.

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  10. OH god, girl this happened to me in 2011! I started my "lifestyle" blog in July of 2011 and by January of 2012 my ex had found it as had his ex girlfriend and they stalked the shit out of me and went completely psycho. I stopped blogging until May of 2013 then I started "Fitness Blondie" but did not use my full name of location. It's unbelievable what people do and I am so sorry you are going through this.

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  11. this makes me so sad. i just can't wrap my mind around why people feel the need to be so mean to one another. being human is hard enough... i'm sorry this happened to you. please don't allow anyone to steal your smile, it's far to beautiful :) xx

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  12. My ex reads my blog and I hate it!! He always has to send me a text commenting on it, even reads all the comments. It has gotten to the point that I hardly ever blog anything because I hate that he has access to my life. I am at the point now that I am creating a new blog that will have no ties to me, I hate that I will have to start over, but I cannot deal with it anymore.

    It is really sad that this person is doing this to you. Don't let them win.

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  13. That person is an idiot, blogs weren't created for that reason. This is YOUR piece of the internet, and what you write (rather that person likes it or not) inspires others. The human mind and race is a scary thing these days. I am so sorry this is happening to you, but don't give up because of them. This is YOUR life, YOUR thoughts, and I haven;t followed the blog too terribly long but what I see is inspirational and nothing wrong. Keep your head high!

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  14. ugh that makes my tummy hurt just reading it! I'm so sorry...

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  15. I am so sorry that you're going through this. I don't think you're being dramatic. That person sounds completely shitty & needs to get a life of their own.

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  16. This totally sucks. It makes my blood boil that people go searching for things to be mean & nasty. Keep your head up and know that you're a better person.

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  17. im horrified!! i didnt even know that there were people like that who could exist!!

    & i really don't know what I would do ... what do you do? make blog private? stop blogging? i wouldn't want to stop either, but then I would always be scared. Also, how crazy does this person have to be that they "found your blog" ...like, I'm assuming you don't advertise to people who know you so what are they doing? googling you like a creep-o. i cant. im so upset for you!

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  18. unfortunately there are people out there that are trying to get you and bring you down. We as Americans have the right of freedom of speech and using that against them isn't good. I'm sorry that you have to go through that.

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  19. This sucks so bad. I'm so sorry this person is doing this to you. I hope you find some peace whether that means continuing to blog or stopping. You make the decision that is right for you!

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  20. This is crazy and awful! Someone I know VERY distantly through work reads my blog and sometimes writes comments that make me uncomfortable (like, why are you reading this?) but that's as far as unwanted readers have gone for me. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! Maybe this post will shame them into stopping? Or at least let them know you see what they're doing for exactly what it is.

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  21. I seriously don't understand when people act like this. There's GOT to be something better they could be doing with their time. It's just WEIRD to me!
    Don't quit. I know it's tempting, but, don't do it. You LOVE this space... and other people love this space, too. I'm with you... quitting would let them "win." We can't have THAT shit. AW HELL NAW!

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  22. I always feel weird when someone outside of the blogging world tells me that they read my blog. The fact that someone is using your blog against you is horrible. Honestly, your blog is so easy to relate to. I love reading all of your stories. You "put it out there" for people to laugh, enjoy and relate to. It takes a lot to blog about personal things. I'm sorry that this person clearly has too much time on their hands.

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  23. UGH. People SUCK! What goes around comes around and they will get what is coming to them. How dare they.

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  24. ugh that is awful and so annoying. there are definitely some people out there I would prefer didn't read my blog but so far no one who has been awful to me about it. so sorry you have to deal with this!
    -- jackie - jade and oak

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  25. WOW, I am so sorry someone used your blog against you. :( That is so horrible someone would do that to you, you are a sweetheart. And your blog is so real, I love it, some people are so malicious. I would hate if someone used my blog against me, sometimes I don't post what I really want to because of that reason. ♥♥

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  26. My son's father reads my blog so I know how you feel! I am stuck trying to decide if I even want to go on blogging. I am really just starting out so now it's been ruined. :( It's really sad that there are people out there who just want nothing more than to make others miserable.

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