Dear Dorota

May 22, 2013

Dear Dorota,

There are several reasons why you should come work for me instead of my bestie, Blair Waldorf. I love Blair, but now that she and Chuck are married...well, she doesn't need you. I need you. If you were to come work for me, here is what I would ask of you:

When I wake up, bustle into my room quietly but efficiently with Starbucks (mocha in winter, iced hazelnut macchiato in the summer). Get me my eye cream and moisturizer and make sure I put them on ASAP so they have the necessary 20 minutes to set before I put the rest of my makeup on. Make sure I am sitting up (because if I don't literally sit up I will fall back asleep immediately) with some perfectly fluffed pillows and my laptop. Before I awake, I would like you to scroll through my bloglovin feed and 'mark as read' all the posts you know I don't want to read--giveaways for birth control websites and 20-sponsor monthly giveaways (actually, if you could enter those on a separate account for me, that'd be great).

When I'm ready to move out of my bed, please have my clothes prepared for me. In the winter, I would appreciate you warming them up briefly so I don't freeze hopping from my jammies to my sweaters. Drive me to work and listen to me vent about anything and everything that strikes my fancy. During the day, glue yourself to country radio stations and complete all the ticket-giveaway contests they have. I want Florida Georgia Line and I want them now, dammit! After that, please find the exact STL location of Nelly's house because you know I want to meet him.

In the evenings, I would ask that you follow at a discrete pace behind me and Dasani so you can make sure this total stranger doesn't kidnap me. He seems like a well-meaning old man, but you can never be too safe.

On the weekends, please prep my beach bag. When I awake from my weekend naps, have a mango flavored alcoholic beverage waiting for me. When not occupied with these activities, please amuse yourself by finding answers to the following questions: Did Ryan Reynolds watch all six seasons of Gossip Girl before or after he married Blake? How does the eLibrary system work? How do I audition for The Bachelor? How do I capitalize on creating a cable channel that plays 24 hour Sex and The City marathons?

What do you say Dorota? Sound like a plan?

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  1. haha this is freakin awesome :) just the giggle i craved this morning

  2. Haha this post was exactly what I needed! It's always fun to start your day off with a laugh!

  3. Exactly what I'd use Dorota for too. If only. I know everyone has these crazy things they want if they won the lotto - a huge mansion, a plane - no. I just want a Dorota.

  4. OMG I love this!! Clearly, I'm quite a bit late but since you just linked to it, I'm just now reading it. What I would give for a Dorota!


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