How To: Win a Southern Man's Heart

Hi y'all,

My name is...well, let's keep this strictly professional. You don't know my name and you don't need to. I met your good friend Autumn at the bar on Friday night, and drunkenly agreed to share my infinite wisdom about Southern men with her (and through her, all of you). She seems pretty hell bent on winning herself a Southerner, and if she goes at it with the same amount of charm and charisma she did Friday night, I have no doubt she'll be married to Kip Moore in about three shots of vodka weeks.

So, in addition to obliging her every whim by ordering her countless "Housewives" (I mean really darlin', could you pick a less embarrassing drink name for the men to order for you? Help us out a little, honey.), I also agreed to tell her the top 5 things Southern men look for.

1. Class
2. Ass
3. Style
4. Subtlety 

We didn't get around to the fifth one because Autumn couldn't really get the hang of #4. I wish you, dear readers, and you, Autumn, the best of luck in your endeavors to get a Southern man.

Love,
The Gentleman from Tennessee