[Guest Post] Move Over, Carrie: On Following Him

June 29, 2013

Hello Folks!! My name is Maggie and I blog over at a little blog called Mess in the making. I am super excited to be guest posting with Miss Autumn today because, well... she is hilarious and I LOVE HER!

If you have never stopped by my little blog, I will give you a little background for this post. 

I have a wonderful boyfriend named Greg. You can read a little bit more about {the totally unromantic and totally awkward} way we met HERE.

Back in January, I made a big decision and I decided to move from Minneapolis, Minnesota to West Lafayette, Indiana to live with Greg while he was in graduate school. This move has been amazing and I have been loving Lafayette AND living with my guy. 

There is just one problem.

People say the dumbest shit. 

The other day I was talking to a new coworker and they asked me why I moved to Indiana from Minnesota. I responded and told them that my boyfriend Greg was in graduate school at Purdue. Their response... "Oh.... so, you just followed him here?"

My response... "Yes, I did. And I love it here." And I walked away. 

When I made the decision back in October to move to Indiana with Greg it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Sure, I was scared of leaving my comfortable home, but mostly I was scared of the ridicule. 
I didn't tell anyone other than my immediate family about the move for about a month.

The thing is, I like to think of myself as a very independent person. I love Greg very much, but I never wanted to be the girl who NEEDED a boy. But when I faced the idea of being hundreds of miles away from the love of my life for 3 years, I couldn't face that. And I didn't have to.... so I didn't.

Once I finally went public with my plans to move away I realized something very important. Greg wasn't asking me to do this, I was making this choice myself. I also wasn't leaving some glamourous life behind. 

One day when I was serving coffee to one of my regulars at Caribou Coffee my move came up in conversation. He said "You know, you should never leave a great apartment or a great job for a man."
I said "I live with my parents and I am serving you coffee... I'm not giving much up" 
He laughed and threw $2 in my tip jar. 

So lately I have been thinking, why is there such a stigma over "following"? 

I think in this situation we can blame a lot of things, but we can also blame our Hero... Carrie.

Carrie never gave up herself for a guy. She was the picture of an independent woman, and whenever she took a risk for a man IT FAILED.

Moved in with Aidan? Failed. 
Moved to Paris with the Russian? Failed 

This idea of not taking risks for a man is programmed into us. Independence and dream chasing are valued and if you take a different path, you are seen as weak and submissive.

I agree that no one should ever give up their dreams for another person. But why can't a person make an informed decision to stay with the person they love?

There is one very important difference between Carrie and I. Aidan and Petrovski were not the right guys {I was always a big fan. Sorry bout it.}... Greg is the right guy. He is worth the risk, and if it fails... oh well. I took a dive and it didn't work.

The time I have spent with Greg in the last 3.5 years has been amazing, and even if it all fell apart, I wouldn't regret a second of the time I spent with him, and I definitely would not regret this move.

Sure, this might not work for every person, not everyone can pick up and move their life to another state, but I could, and I don't want to feel like some spineless piece of crap just because people have made up a dumb stereotype. 

So yes. I followed my boyfriend and his dream to go to grad school. Do I regret this at all?

Not for a fucking second. 

So, what do you think? Is there a stigma over "following" your guy? Have you ever struggled with people's negative comments towards sacrifices you made in a relationship?


  1. I 'followed' my guy, after only 9 months together but never for a second did I think I might be making the wrong move. It felt completely right. 5 and a half years later I'm still here, we're married and mortgaged, and while I miss my friends and family I don't miss my home town particularly. I have a better life here on the whole. I never encountered any negative comments, but then my home town is the sort of place most people would like to move away from so mostly I was encouraged to take the chance while I had it! When it's the right decision, you just know.

  2. This post literally made me cry, because I have gone through the same thing! And now I'm here, with A, and it's difficult, and complicated, and there are so many things that I didn't expect, but I F*CKING LOVE IT. Everyone told me it was a bad idea to move just to be with someone, but isn't that exactly what people do when they're married, and the whole family moves? Aren't you supposed to be willing to move to be with the one you love? Like you feel with Greg, I feel like A is worth the risk I'm taking, and I'm happy that I did it. Props to you, and man oh man, do I wish you two the absolute best!!

    I literally just discovered this blog this morning, and finding this post was perfect timing. I can't thank you enough, seriously. Rock on.

  3. I moved to England to be with a boy, and while things have been hard at times, don't regret it. I didn't move here the first time specifically to be with him, I didn't know if I wanted to be with him, but I met him in my last year of University, didn't have a job or place to go other than my parents when I graduated, so said, why the hell not? and picked up and moved to England for six months. We've been having adventures ever since.

    Dannielle | Chic-a-Dee

  4. As long as the decision is right for you then what does it matter to anyone else?? You can be living the same situation as someone else and while it could go horribly wrong for them and perfectly right for you, their experience has no basis on your experience. Good luck in everything you chose to do and everything you don't


  5. I'd like to thank you for this post. I'm going through the decision making of moving to be with my boyfriend and it hasn't been easy. My parents aren't entirely supportive and everyone keeps telling me not to move to "follow" a guy. I kept asking myself what is wrong with "following" a guy. I can come up with no reason.

    Thank you for putting in words the reasons I've been giving myself. It has given me a lot to think about.



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