Let's Talk About the Doctor

August 12, 2013

Let's talk about doctors. And doctor visits. Or more...let's talk about what it's like going to the doctor as a single Catholic girl. I dread the doctor, and the fact the following happens EVERY SINGLE TIME does not help. 

Step One: Make an Appointment via the Phone
Receptionist: Ok, now are you on any prescriptions?
Me: No.
Receptionist: That would include birth control. 
Me: The answer is still no. 

Step Two: Arrive at Office, Fill out Paperwork
Receptionist: Ma'am, can you come here?
Me: Yes?
Receptionist: I was entering your paperwork and I just want to confirm, 
you're not on any prescriptions?
Me: That's correct.
Receptionist: You're on birth control?
Me: No.

The receptionists be all:
Receptionist: Did you want to talk to the doctor about that today?
Me: No, I'm really good. 

Step Three: Awkward Doctor Questions
Doctor: And I see that you're taking...oh...oh you're not taking anything?
Me: That's correct.
Doctor: So no birth control?
Me: For the 49th time....no birth control. 
Doctor: Do you want to talk about your options?

Bitch I wanna talk about my infection. Or my flu. 
Or whatever the eff pain it is that drove me to you. 
Because I can damn well guarantee that birth control ain't fixin' that. 

And of course, being Autumn, I just had to go and make it 20,500 times more awkward. 
Doctor: Is there any chance you might be pregnant?
Me: No.
Doctor: Are you sure? When was your last period?
Me: It literally just ended. Like yesterday. So unless it was one of those fake periods 
that you see on the Discovery show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," I think I'm good.
Doctor: (suddenly super grim and quiet) Are you really concerned that might be happening to you?

Bitch, NO. Give me my antibiotics NOW. 
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  1. This is kind of funny. I had kidney stones (more than once) and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. this is what I get asked "Do you think you could be pregnant?" "No" - "Is there a chance you have an STD?" "NO. It's kidney stones, I've had them before. I know what it is" - "Ok, well we're going to have to do an STD test." Ok skank, thanks for making me feel all nasty and dirty.

  2. And if you ever go on birth control, they start giving you judgy looks for saying yes, just FYI.

  3. Ugghh Doctor visits, judgement all day long in that place but I guess it's not that bad since everything is suppose to be confidential.

  4. Doctors are just ridiculous! I've been married for a year and I'm not pregnant and I don't even take birth control. and no condoms, I use something else and it has been working great. I don't want any kind of hormones running around while taking birth control.

  5. Seriously just described my doctor experiences to a freakin' tee! I'm actually going to to the doctor this afternoon so I'm sure that ish will happen yet again.

  6. I want to laugh and groan at the same time. I hate when you're in for something and they want to make it about something else! -feminist comment-: we know what we want to do with our bodies, stop trying to pressure us to do something you want us to do.

    Michelle @ Mishfish13

  7. They do that shit to me with the Gardisil shot... Im like woman, just stop.

  8. This is hilarious, and so true! I was having surgery once, and the nurse asked if there was a chance I was pregnant. I said no, and she looked at my all condescending-like and said "But how can you be SURE?" I told her I was a Super Virgin, and that ended that.

  9. Haha so true, and I'm headed there in about an hour, thanks for the laugh before I actually have deal with it.

  10. This was funny, true, and a little sad. I completely agree with you! They should ask if you're taking anything and leave it at that. It's rude to make a patient feel judged about a decision they've made. I'm married....been married for 9 years. My new OBGYN is the ONLY doctor I've had in those last 9 years that hasn't tried to push the Gardisil shot on me. It would go something like this:
    I see you haven't had the Gardisil shot. Do you want it?

    No, I'm married...so I don't think I need it.

    Are you sure? You never know....

    I was always REALLY offended. Were they implying that I was going to cheat on my husband OR that he was going to cheat on me? Stay out of my business!

  11. HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously awkward stuff, I hate going to the doctor period and I never know when my last period was. They are always like well can you guess, ummmm no I just don't keep track.

  12. A lot of people don't understand that there are other options that actually work just as well-IF you take the time to learn. I've been married a year and we use NFP (natural family planning)and guess what? Haven't been knocked up yet--GASP!! Catholic Girls Represent! ;)

  13. Hahahaha. Doc visits are awkward as it is! Especially if its a dude--oh hell no

  14. Hahahahaha! Nice...
    I had to go to the health center on campus my freshman year. They asked my if I was sexually active and I answered no and the nurse says "Really?" Like she was shocked. What am I supposed to say... yes, I'm an 18 year old virgin...?!

    Having worked in health care those questions are asked over and over because most people that come in to be seen are dumbasses.

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle

  15. This is why I'm glad I moved and can't see my regular Dr. He's a friend of my mom's and if he's not there its the nurse pract, my mom's BFF. So much awkward.

  16. Bahaha! This is brilliant. Every since finding out you could have a fake period and still be pregnant, I've been a little freaked out. How freaky would that be?

  17. Try telling them that you want to stop taking it, they literally freak out, it's really fun. I'm a grown up, I'm 99% sure I can make my own decision regarding this fact but no maybe it would be better swapping onto some other form of birth control, maybe you can keep your opinions to yourself!

  18. I didn't know that doctors were that crazy about birth control!

  19. Haha, I have had awkward situations with my old doctor too... only the things he accused me of were... more painful and awkward seeing my mother went with me.
    I went to my doctor twice, with a weightloss problem. I was losing weight I didn't want to lose, and when I told him he was like "you sure you don't have an eating disorder? You can come back another time without your mother to admit it." Like, dude... I want to gain weight, not lose it...
    I wanted to strangle him for even thinking about it. Some doctors are craycray. And they hurt your feelings...

  20. My doctor/doctor's receptionist/everyone in the doctor's office, no matter what I am in there for, asks me if I could be pregnant. I always say no, and then they say, "are you sure?" Umm...yes, I'm pretty sure. Thankyouverymuch.


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