Move Over, Carrie

August 24, 2013

Move Over, Carrie is a whenever-I-feel-like-it weekend series of The Unreal Life. No pictures. No GIFS. Just straight up (hopefully) witty, sociological discussion about modern relationships. 

Let's talk about something that's been on my mind all week. Because let's face it, people with intense guilt complexes let things percolate for probably longer than they should. 

Where is the line between being demanding and having self-respect?

In my relationships, I find that what the boy calls "demanding," I usually see as "No, I just know that I'm worth it." I know that I push boys to make very outright, obvious actions of their intentions/affections. If you like me, if you want me. 

And this lands me in hot water 90% of the time. Boys these days are very, very laid back (or maybe just the ones I'm attracted to?). They see my expectations for being pursued as demanding. I see it as having self-respect. I know I'm great. Do you? I respect myself enough to not continue dating someone who can't show me that he understands he's got a great person (And vice versa. I would not expect someone to keep dating me if I didn't show them that I appreciated the awesome person they are. Of course not.). 

So, ladies....
Where is the line between being demanding and having self-respect? 
In today's society, is "being pursued" out-dated and no longer practiced? 
Do you expect boys to show you they like you before you continue pursuing a relationship, or do you roll with the flow and think that will come with time?

Sound off! Your comments on Move Over, Carrie are my absolute favorites!!
I hope you enjoy this series as much as I do! Thanks for reading!

 photo signature-16.jpg


  1. Having self-respect is a good thing, it means you won't let your needs get lost. There is nothing demanding about needing/expecting certain things. And I think being pursued is kind of necessary, I like to feel like I am worth their time and that they want to spend time with me. And if someone expects me to just go with the flow and wait for him to show that he likes me they got it all wrong. It doesn't have to go full on blow-me-away-stuff, but it does have to show me that they want to be around me and want to make time for me and stuff.
    Guys might find it annoying to pursue a girl, but that's what they need to do if they really like someone.

  2. I think you are right on point and the boys are either lazy or don't care. Anything worth having is worth fighting for! And as long as you are giving as much as receiving than there shouldn't be an issue. That's my two cents anyway. :-)

  3. The beautiful thing about being a woman is our little gift we call "intuition." While I do believe that a man should pursue you and show you your worth before entering into a relationship, I also think that regardless of whether he does this to your standards or not, you'll know in your gut if he's right for you. I don't think being pursued is out of date or unnecessary, the expectation of it has just unfortunately fallen along the wayside.

    Basically, silly little boys have cooties. Real men have large bank accounts and send you flowers. Boom.

  4. I think being demanding is not being able to compromise. There's a difference between knowing what you want and deserve vs. refusing to give an inch. All relationships require compromise, and both sides need to have the want to compromise. That being said, there's a fair balance of compromising and knowing what you deserve. You shouldn't have to compromise what you deserve to maintain a mediocre relationship. In the end, both sides will put their 100% when it's right.

    But I agree most with Kayla Layla, silly boys haven't gotten their cootie shots and real men know how to treat women.

  5. I literally had this conversation with my best friends because I have recently been on many dates. New city, new boys, new adventures. My thing is I really hit it off with a guy who it seems may have stopped pursuing me and so I thought that meant it was my turn to pursue him. Well, I did that and it seemed like he got more distant. My girls told me to just slow down and remember to not always be the initiator of the texting/talking. So I took their advice. Yes, there was a whole day we didn't talk but he did text me the next day. Sometimes I realize I like to be the alpha female and make what I want to work but then I realize I am also a female and there is something feminine about being pursued.

    1. I need to be better at not initiating everything. I think my problem is that I move at warp speed, and boys move at comparatively normal speeds. I should really be okay with a day of no talking and not immediately assume it's over.

  6. i can definitely see it being a fine line. you want respect/them to show you the right amount of attention, then the guy thinks you're demanding. i think by the time you get to the comfortable point in the relationship, these things are easier to balance. you both know that you're invested in the relationship, so then the guy isn't so hesitant to be a little outgoing.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak


Your comments make my day! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Hayley Larue Design