[Guest Post] Move Over, Carrie: On Following Him

Hello Folks!! My name is Maggie and I blog over at a little blog called Mess in the making. I am super excited to be guest posting with Miss Autumn today because, well... she is hilarious and I LOVE HER!

If you have never stopped by my little blog, I will give you a little background for this post. 

I have a wonderful boyfriend named Greg. You can read a little bit more about {the totally unromantic and totally awkward} way we met HERE.

Back in January, I made a big decision and I decided to move from Minneapolis, Minnesota to West Lafayette, Indiana to live with Greg while he was in graduate school. This move has been amazing and I have been loving Lafayette AND living with my guy. 

There is just one problem.

People say the dumbest shit. 

The other day I was talking to a new coworker and they asked me why I moved to Indiana from Minnesota. I responded and told them that my boyfriend Greg was in graduate school at Purdue. Their response... "Oh.... so, you just followed him here?"

My response... "Yes, I did. And I love it here." And I walked away. 

When I made the decision back in October to move to Indiana with Greg it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Sure, I was scared of leaving my comfortable home, but mostly I was scared of the ridicule. 

I didn't tell anyone other than my immediate family about the move for about a month.

The thing is, I like to think of myself as a very independent person. I love Greg very much, but I never wanted to be the girl who NEEDED a boy. But when I faced the idea of being hundreds of miles away from the love of my life for 3 years, I couldn't face that. And I didn't have to.... so I didn't.

Once I finally went public with my plans to move away I realized something very important. Greg wasn't asking me to do this, I was making this choice myself. I also wasn't leaving some glamourous life behind. 

One day when I was serving coffee to one of my regulars at Caribou Coffee my move came up in conversation. He said "You know, you should never leave a great apartment or a great job for a man."

I said "I live with my parents and I am serving you coffee... I'm not giving much up" 

He laughed and threw $2 in my tip jar. 

So lately I have been thinking, why is there such a stigma over "following"? 

I think in this situation we can blame a lot of things, but we can also blame our Hero... Carrie.

Carrie never gave up herself for a guy. She was the picture of an independent woman, and whenever she took a risk for a man IT FAILED.

Moved in with Aidan? Failed. 

Moved to Paris with the Russian? Failed 

This idea of not taking risks for a man is programmed into us. Independence and dream chasing are valued and if you take a different path, you are seen as weak and submissive.

I agree that no one should ever give up their dreams for another person. But why can't a person make an informed decision to stay with the person they love?

There is one very important difference between Carrie and I. Aidan and Petrovski were not the right guys {I was always a big fan. Sorry bout it.}... Greg is the right guy. He is worth the risk, and if it fails... oh well. I took a dive and it didn't work.

The time I have spent with Greg in the last 3.5 years has been amazing, and even if it all fell apart, I wouldn't regret a second of the time I spent with him, and I definitely would not regret this move.

Sure, this might not work for every person, not everyone can pick up and move their life to another state, but I could, and I don't want to feel like some spineless piece of crap just because people have made up a dumb stereotype. 

So yes. I followed my boyfriend and his dream to go to grad school. Do I regret this at all?

Not for a fucking second. 

So, what do you think? Is there a stigma over "following" your guy? Have you ever struggled with people's negative comments towards sacrifices you made in a relationship?

Love, Your Little Sister

Dear Tomi,
Happy Birthday, big sister. I'm so glad that you took me to the pool all those days when I was a baby, even if the creepers in the trailer park asked if I was your daughter. That's okay though, because life has come full circle. Now, when I take your adorable daughter to the park, people ask me the same thing. 

Thanks for instilling in me a healthy pair of screaming lungs. I will never forget the sight of that beheaded chubby-baby-meets-barbie-doll chasing me through the house. 
Thanks for secretly feeding me meat that time Mom and Dad went vegan. I was really hungry. 

Thanks for never getting tired of me calling you those first few dozen times I went grocery shopping on my own to ask you "Now which one do I like? Mayonnaise of Miracle Whip?" and "Which kind of pickles?" And thanks for always stocking up on the right kind in your fridge, knowing that I will sometimes pick the wrong one and need a back up meal. 
I will always be fond of the time we spent spying on your neighbor from the picture window. I hope he stopped taking showers in the kitchen sink. And I still can't believe he moved his mother out and his girlfriend in. 

And most of all, thanks for never getting scared when I send you texts like this:

Happy Birthday, big sister.

Guest Post: Channeling Your Inner Beyonce

Today I'm letting my friend Kim from The Simplicity take over and teach us all how to channel our inner Beyonce. In the land of dating disasters and #notdentist, who couldn't learn a thing or two from this iconic woman?! Kim was my first ever follower when I started, and her support and encouragement gave me my first taste into the wonderful world of blogging. Kim has a great voice and a really unique view on the world. Some of my favorite posts of hers are her absolutely beautiful post "Ode to the Dresses for Donation" and "Filipino-Irish Hair." Which Beyonce-tip will you employ today? Tweet @thejanklife or @kimberlyersk1ne with #beyonceforaday and let us know! (Please. By the time this post is published I will have been cooped up in the same hotel for 48 hours. Please. Interact with me.)

Source: I AM- Beyonce Knowles-Carter's Tumblr page

Channeling Your Inner-Beyonce

 I'm Kim and I blog over at The Simplicity and huge shout-out to Autumn for allowing the wonderful opportunity of sharing her blogging space with me.  Ya just gotta love Autumn for her witty comebacks and hilarious posts plus her love of adventure and roadtrips make her an All-American kinda gal.

So while brainstorming what to write for The Unreal Life, I took a cue from posts about independent ladies and dating woes.  When life smacks you in the lady balls, those are the moments you wish you were Beyonce.  When Beyonce released the song Who Run the World?, she actually should have created a how-to book for lady domination because the lady just knows.  Knows what?  How to handle herself in a way that makes her not only fierce but brave, sexy, and awesome all in one.

Source: I AM- Beyonce Knowles-Carter's Tumblr page

I've been a fan of Beyonce's for a long time.  I remember sitting in a friend's basement when Destiny's Child released their first music video and I also remember reading those unofficial biographies about her and the group.  Being an adolescent at the time, very few elements of pop culture bands really stood out.  There was TLC and 3LW and of course numerous others with one-hit wonders.  There were also the numerous boybands and pop singers that were establishing the musical interests of our childhoods.  Destiny's Child was incredibly successful but for me, the key moment was when Beyonce became a solo artist.  That's when she became iconic.

 

 

So what can we learn from her and how to do we bottle some of that bootyliciousness for days that we feel less than fabulous, let alone functioning?  I feel like Beyonce's lifestyle and attitude can be broken down into three life concepts that I feel are applicable to many women out there.

 

1. Nothing is sexier than confidence. Anybody else notice that Beyonce is like crazy gorgeous and always confident?  Regardless if she's wearing a designer dress on the red carpet with her husband Jay-Z or hanging out with Blue Ivy, she always looks radiant.  You could be hanging out at the house or heading out to the restaurant, but every interaction that you have, present your best self.  Presenting your best self is completely up to your interpretation.  It's old advice, I know.  It can be anything from rocking a killer outfit, or a smile after a killer workout. 

Source: I AM- Beyonce Knowles-Carter's Tumblr page

2. Understand your needs -especially when you feel vulnerable/angry/ecstatic/lost and need to express that.  If you watched Beyonce's documentary on HBO, she shared her video diary and I fell in love with the idea.  She's a high list celebrity and sometimes she can share her troubles with her staff or her family, but sometimes she just needs "me time."  Her method of decompressing at the end of the day was carrying around her laptop and filming a video diary of her day.  Many of these video clips made the documentary and we were invited into brief glimpses of what she went through in her life.  Diaries, much like blogs, can be a really vulnerable place.  She didn't necessarily have to share many of the things that she did, including a miscarriage, but she did.  When it comes to your blog, journal, or video diary, it's your space.  It may not make sense to everyone but in your space, you are inviting people to see you vulnerable.  You may not share everything with everyone, like in a blog format, but I know for me, blogging and keeping written journals has been therapeutic and a great way to have a tangible reference to a time in my life.  It becomes this safe space, where regardless of opinions or perspectives, you can be emotional, angry, happy, or fricken ecstatic.

Source: I AM- Beyonce Knowles-Carter's Tumblr page

3. Let your actions speak louder than words.  Celebrities receive a lot of criticism- ahem Kim Kardashian's entire life and now poor baby girl's.  However, how situations are handled can make or break them.  Beyonce is still the powerhouse goddess that she is because she knows how to handle complicated situations- she lets her actions speak for herself.  Despite critics on her performances, whether dancing or vocal or tabloids, she still kicks ass as a performer.  Their were even skeptics on whether or not she carried her baby and she honestly never had to address that, but instead, shared personal moments with everyone.  She didn't blow up at the media, or hit a fan in the head with a microphone (ahem, Rihanna) but instead she kept up her game as a quality performer and entertainer.  She continued to do performances, concerts, guest appearances, and interviews.  Not only that but despite some celebrities letting their status get to their heads, she still believes in remaining firm in her commitments.  Another performer who I admire with this quality is Pink.  You can take a page from these ladies and understand the importance of backing up your game.  Whether it's at school or your career, be exactly who you say you are and more.  Be early if not already on time, be professional, stay committed to what you say, and be someone people can rely on.  When people criticize you or your work, take a step back.  Let the integrity of who you are as a person that people can rely on speak for you and keep on that grind.

 

Source: I AM- Beyonce Knowles-Carter's Tumblr page

 

Now of course there are things that Beyonce has taught the world that may not apply to everyone but hey we learned them anyways:

• Tactfully sharing information- like when she got married to Jay-Z and virtually no one knew about it.
• Lifting up your friends and keeping an open mind- like with Kelly Rowland's newly released single that shared a lot of difficult issues, one of them being having to step back to Beyonce's limelight.
• The art of celebrating wonderful news- like announcing you're pregnant via an awards show performance
• How to make an exit- like shutting down the lights after her halftime performance at the latest Super Bowl (which wasn't actually her fault)
• Be 100% committed- basically anytime Beyonce performs, she owns it.  Half-assing anything is just not in her vocabulary.

 

Oprah's thoughts on seeing the Life is But a Dream Documentary: 

“I always had a lot of admiration and respect for you, you know. I like dancing to the music, I like playing it when I’m working out, but after watching Life is But A Dream, I have to tell you that I came away being reminded of that line in a Maya Angelou poem that says, ‘You make me proud to spell my name W-O-M-A-N.'"

Yes Oprah, I think we can toast to that. 

 

Blog//Twitter//Facebook//Instagram

Which Beyonce-tip will you employ today? Tweet @thejanklife or @kimberlyersk1ne with #beyonceforaday and let us know! (Please. By the time this post is published I will have been cooped up in the same hotel for 48 hours. Please. Interact with me.)

5 Questions You SHOULDN'T Ask...

...on a first date. 
Hi kids! Today I am guest blogging for Kalyn over at Life As I Pretend To Know It. I'll be discussing the top 5 questions you really SHOULDN'T ask on a first date. 
While you're busy checking that out, I'll be busy packing for my week-long work trip to San Diego. Word is we'll be too busy to leave the hotel, but the windows have great views to make up for it! As cheesy as it sounds, being surrounded by such well rounded, successful women is really inspirational. I'm looking forward to unplugging for a week, eating dinners that didn't come from a microwave and seeing some old (and new) sorority sisters. I'll be sure to give you all the full update when I get back.  I've enlisted the help of three fabulous bloggers to help me out while I'm gone--I know you'll love their posts. Here's a sneak peak at their topics: Beyonce, terrible dating advice and "following him." 
When you're done reading the 5 questions, tweet me: what's the worst question you've ever been asked on a first date?

Dating Disasters: Cuddling

I went on a first date that was going very well, until that awkward moment when the first date activity is done and you're just standing there like uhhhhh what now? So of course, being the awkwardly unreal girl I am, I let the awkward silence sit for a few minutes before going "So uhhhh what now?" He looks at me with doting eyes. Wraps his arms around my waist. And says:

"I just want to take you somewhere and cuddle."

The following conversation ensued:

Boy: I just want to take you somewhere and cuddle.

Me: Uhhhhh....no. 

Boy: Babe...

Me: Yeah. Not happening on our first date.

Boy: Why not?

Me: That's just way, way too much for a first date. Too fast.

Boy: I mean come on, it's not like we're having sex or anything.

Back. The. Fuck. Up. 

Let's talk about it. Sure, 'cuddling' has cute connotations of puppy love and chemistry and attraction and intimacy. But what is it really? When you break it down, cuddling is letting another person physically hold your body with their arm around your waist or shoulders, generally with some motion from their other hand of stroking your hand or thumb or arm gently or playing with your hair. 

Now back to the first date. First date. You are a stranger. A literal stranger. Replace the word stranger in that definition: letting a stranger physically hold your body with their arm around your waist or shoulders, generally with some motion from the stranger's other hand of stroking your hand or thumb or arm gently or having a stranger play with your hair. 

Dictionary.com defined cuddle as "to fondle in the arms." Would you let a stranger fondle you in the arms? 

Excuse me while I go gag in the bathroom. 

Happy 100th, Unreal Life!

Happy 100th Post, Unreal Life!
What follows is likely to be the worst celebration of 100 posts you've ever seen. Someone convinced me it would be a good idea to do a vlog. It's inspired by the last SATC episode I watched before I pressed record, in which the girls share their SSB--Secret Single Behavior.
You know, the things you only do when you're alone that you don't necessarily share with others. Until you decide to share them with your 200+ followers because you're stupid BRAVE! My SSB is speed reading instagram hashtags. That's weird. I know. But when you post a picture of your paleo diet followed by 30 hashtags, I see that as disgusting a challenge.  My sorority was also real big into speed reads to promote literacy (I don't know why. Nothing's more terrifying to a small child who can't read well then "Here, read this FAST and into a MICROPHONE.) sooooo if I say I speed read hashtags in support of literacy will that make me more cool? No? 
I'd like to point out two things that I hope you'll find endearing: 1) my awesome neck tan line is showing strong in here. Obviously I gotta stop reading at the pool. 2) My Michigan accent comes out strong--holla holla mitten pride! 
In other celebration points, I've posted The Unreal Life's first-ever sponsor options. Feel free to click around and see if anything catches your eye. Cheapest guest post you'll ever find. 
Alright. Let's do this. Or, you know....click away. I honestly would prefer that. 

Move Over, Carrie

My mother's favorite phrase is "Don't go shoppin' if you're not lookin' to buy." She says this nearly every time she learns of a new boy I've gone on a date with. My mother and I are polar opposites, you could say. She got married a month after she graduated high school and had four kids by the time she was 24. While she does not completely understand why I want what I want, she does know that boys are ultimately not in the proverbial "plan" right now. So she falls back to "Don't go shoppin' if you ain't lookin'" quite a bit. She's not the only one. Throughout college, I heard from friends, peers, professors, role models that dating should be taken seriously, and you should only date someone if you legitimately see a future with them. 

Which brings me to today's Move Over, Carrie topic: Expectations. Are you better to enter a relationship and lay all your expectations out on the table from day one? If you find your expectations will not be met, is it best to leave the potential relationship? Or, should you enter with no expectations and be either pleasantly surprised or unshockingly disappointed? Do you only date if you're planning on long term, or do you approach each relationship as just another experience to be had?

Oh, and let's define expectations. I'm talking about "the list," ladies. You know, the "he must be A, B, C and D or this really isn't happening." Not the "I expect a phone call every night" type things. Habits can change, character cannot. 

Against my mother's "don't go shopping" advice, I started dating someone my last semester of college. What I thought was a rebound, turned out to be a pretty great guy. Shocking. 

My rebound-turned-not-rebound with MMM was made distinct by two things: 

1) We were brutally honest with each other. 

2) We laid our expectations out on the table first thing. 

Let's focus on number two. Right off the bat, MMM laid out his expectations. Labels, time commitment, monogamy--you name it, I knew it. I also knew, from day one, MMM's checklist for a wife (we went to a really, really small private school where this was seen as a pretty typical conversation. I realize for most of you reading this it will be a 'WTF' moment). And based on that list, I knew MMM and I would never get married. 

According to my mother, I should've walked away. If we weren't going to get married, why waste my time and energy? Well. I didn't. Shocking, I know. And it was great. 

Not having to worry about whether he was "the one" opened the relationship up to a degree of a freedom I hadn't had before. Every time we got in a fight, I didn't have to question "can I really stay with a man who believes X Y Z? Will he do that annoying tick the rest of his life? Is this a quirk, or a deal breaker?" Hours of my life were freed from over analysis. I wore sweatpants. I ate Chinese out of a box. I put on makeup if I wanted to, but if I didn't want to I didn't. I wasn't trying to win him over, because I knew that wasn't really an option. This freedom made the relationship fun. 

One night, we were sitting on his couch eating Subway and watching a movie.

"You know what's great," I said, turning to him. "I don't have to worry about any stupid relationship dramas with you, because we're never going to get married."

I think he choked a little bit. "Wait, we're never gonna get married?"

"Yeah. I mean, you already told me what you want in a wife,

and I'm clearly not those things. So now we just...don't have to worry about it."

He nodded, slowly. "I guess. But that kind of worked backwards."

Most relationships I enter into with the mind-set of "let's see where this goes, I think you could have potential for long-term commitment" crash and burn because they place unrealistic suffocation on one or the other involved parties. They lead to a whole lot of arguments and over-analyzing. My favorite relationships have been those that were entered into with a "I know I will not marry you, ever" mentality. Which has become my Catch 22. Those relationships flourish because they're given air. You don't pretend, you don't play games and you end up falling for that person the hardest of all because you've seen the real them and they've seen the real you...and stuck around anyways. At the end of the day, you're standing there simply because you genuinely like that person. You enter with "I will never, ever marry you" and leave with "I would marry you" because in between you're given the freedom to just be yourself. Is it possible to "date intentionally" and not even a little bit change your actions based on the pressures of "this could be the one"? I'm just talking about little changes you probably don't even notice, not huge things like suddenly converting religions.

Should dating be intentional, or should it be spontaneous? Do you "waste your time" window shopping, or only go when you have the intent and capability to buy? Or, do you do a combination of both realizing that love isn't something you can control either way? Or, am I just crazy? 

Move over, Carrie. There's a new single girl in town. 
*Move Over, Carrie is a whenever-I-feel-like-it series of The Unreal Life that hopes to provide witty, sociological insight on today's relationship issues. You can read the first Move Over, Carrie here.

Dear Readers

Yeah, yeah you. I wanted to say thank you. I know a lot of bloggers have had their turn with the "what do I do with this hurtful anonymous comment?" Well, my turn is "what do I do with this hurtful not anonymous comment...from someone I see at every family function?" I'm also 90% confident this is why people don't share their blogs with their families.
Basically, there were two hurtful parts to the comment I received:  1) I have a dishwasher to unload and laundry to do, I don't have time for your blog.  Your readers obviously don't have to balance a job, bills, housework and two kids.  2) If you share it with strangers, it must not be that important.  So no, I don't feel guilty about not reading it. 
Alright. Here we go. 
I know life is busy, and stressful. That is why I can genuinely say, thank you for stopping by every damn day. There are 20,000 other things you could be doing with your time--I know that! That's why, out of all the things you could be doing, the fact that you take time to read my silliness every day HUMBLES me every damn day. You have all of the options, and you picked The Unreal Life. So THANK YOU. 
This blog is important to me and what I share is important to me. Right now, it seems there is a lot going around about how bloggers need to chill the eff out and put themselves back in perspective. I don't really feel 100% in agreeance with that. This blog is important to me, so I will continue to put my time into it. For myself, because I absolutely 100% love writing and have so much fun figuring out new and (hopefully) creative posts. And for you, because you do have 20,000 choices and you should be able to click with confidence knowing your minute, two minutes, three minutes isn't going to be wasted.
I love this place. This place has given me confidence in a way I didn't expect. I was bouncing up the stairs the other day and I was like "Why am I so happy?" Blogging. I'll say it. No shame. I love this zany world of writers and readers and GIF monsters. I am proud to be part of a group of women who have such a vast array of experiences and stories and talents and skills that they bring to my view every day. 
I've been writing for a long time. A long, long time. I have notebooks filled with pencil scratch stories since I was old enough for my parents to cram me into a car and drive Up North for two hours every weekend. But my stories are serious, unlike my life. When I tell stories in person, they're a lot like...well, like this blog. They're funny and zany and just about the everyday "wait...what?" moments. I knew people liked my short stories. But I didn't know if people would like my comedic stories. It's a hard jump. Literally, every time I hit publish and someone responds with "That's hilarious!" I fly out of my seat. I can't believe it. 
So. Thank you. For giving me a place to do what I love. To write. To share. To interact. And from my father, a big thank you because he was getting really creeped out by my dating disaster stories which, while funny, are also heart-attack inducing for a father. 
Honestly. You stop by every day. And I couldn't be more grateful. 
(Oh and THANK YOU to J Whitney Nic, our #bloggerproblemz link up giveaway winner. I had the absolute best time working with Blair's Head Band on that project, and loved seeing all your #bloggerproblemz comments!) 

#notdentist

Kids. 
I am here to talk about a very serious issue. 

The issue of #notdentist. We need to talk. As you know, I've recently discovered the joy of #livedating, otherwise known as #babe or #datestalking. But date stalking is not just a one way street. Oh no--it's a two way. I do not merely get stalked, I also occasionally...stalk. 

Let's start from the beginning. 

A co-worker and I (we'll call her...Sally...to protect her identity) were talking about the man manchild who is the unknowing star of #livedating. His profession (dentistry) came up as well as where he lives, where he went to school blah blah (these are normal kitchen questions, right? I don't sound creepy yet). We discovered that Sally knew an equally annoying male from the same dental school graduation class.   She asks me his name to see if it's the same person. Problem--I don't know his last name. Soon after this, she sends me a picture of the graduating dental class.

"Show me which one he is." (Oh please, don't pretend you've never shown your friend a Facebook picture of a total rando)

He's not there.

By everything he's told me about graduation dates, schooling, etc...he should be there. He's not there. 

So. We move to Plan B. He's told me 20gazillion times the name of his "dental partner." We do a quick web search (#JONUDGIES--that's no judgies, people) and pull up the practice's web page.

He's not there.

We go into full on stalker-mode (this is my dating life on the line, durr). I call the dental office. 

"Hi, a friend of mine referred me to Dr. XXXXX's partner but I just can't remember his last name. Can you tell me his name?"

"Dr. YYYYY."

"Noooo, it definitely started with an M....@#$@ (name protected) M something..."

"No one by that name works here."

He's not there.

We pull our friend Janey in, who used to work in investigative reporting. While Sally's first vote is to stalk Facebook, Janey's first move is straight to the sex offender and prisoner public records. 

He's not there.

Phew.

Finally, I am forced to confront him for maximum clarity revealing the situation. 

"What's your last name"

"You don't know my last name?"

"No."

"XXXX" (name protected)

Janey's expert stalking investigative reporting reveals:

Profession: lie

College history: lie

This, children, is how 20/20 starts. But thanks to my friends Sally, Janey and #livedating partner Amanda...this is how 20/20 ends. With a group of friends banding together, raising red flags of awareness. If you or a loved one you know is dating a "dentist" who lives at home, has more than 100,000 tweets (no lie), sends you possessive texts like "Dinner. Seven. I'll pick you up." when you had absolutely no plans with him and invites you on trips to Texas when you've known each other for 3 days--raise the red flag. 

                  

Together, we can protect each other. 

Mama's a got brand new...BLOG DESIGN

Hiiiiiiii kids,
WHATDYA THINK?? Pretty snazzy, huh? All I could think of the whole time I was waiting to write this post was the part in Rudolph where he runs around and goes "I'm cute! She says I'm cuuuuute." because I'm just so excited to run around and tell everyone what an amazing job Sarah at Venus Trapped in Mars did on this design. 

First of all (and last of all), let's talk about how awesome Sarah was to work with. Right around the time I was thinking of making this legit with a swanky design, I read a post from a designer basically bitching new bloggers out for "expecting designers to read their mind." She said that unless you knew exactly what you wanted, don't bother. 

Terrifying. So, I went to Sarah. My first email went something like this:
"So like umm...I don't know, I want a blog design but I don't really know what I want.  But I don't want gold glitter.  Do you do things other than gold glitter?"
Which I emailed her. From my gold-glitter covered iPhone. With my gold glitter nail polish.
Awesome. Moving on. Sarah was so nice and her excitement helped make me feel more comfortable about the fact I had no idea what I wanted. She has a quick questionnaire that is so helpful for newbies. She put up with my constant emails and "Can we try..." and she didn't even judge me when I sent her pictures of tribal print underwear as examples. 
I can't confirm or deny that Sarah was a mind reader, but I do know that she was insanely patient, creative, open and encouraging throughout the whole process. If you're looking for a designer, be sure to stop by and check out her work. 
Oh, and random housekeeping items: 1) It's not too late to vote for me as cutest blogger baby; 2) There are a lot of new faces around here (WAH SO EXCITED), so make sure to enter to win some Starbucks and Sephora as a thank you for following this unreal life!!

How To: Win a Southern Man's Heart

Hi y'all,

My name is...well, let's keep this strictly professional. You don't know my name and you don't need to. I met your good friend Autumn at the bar on Friday night, and drunkenly agreed to share my infinite wisdom about Southern men with her (and through her, all of you). She seems pretty hell bent on winning herself a Southerner, and if she goes at it with the same amount of charm and charisma she did Friday night, I have no doubt she'll be married to Kip Moore in about three shots of vodka weeks.

So, in addition to obliging her every whim by ordering her countless "Housewives" (I mean really darlin', could you pick a less embarrassing drink name for the men to order for you? Help us out a little, honey.), I also agreed to tell her the top 5 things Southern men look for.

1. Class
2. Ass
3. Style
4. Subtlety 

We didn't get around to the fifth one because Autumn couldn't really get the hang of #4. I wish you, dear readers, and you, Autumn, the best of luck in your endeavors to get a Southern man.

Love,
The Gentleman from Tennessee

#livedating ROUND TWO

I cannot handle a Southern accent saying "darlin'." The end.

Everyone's favorite adventure returned. If you haven't caught up on the first round of #livedating, feel free to do so now. We can wait. All caught up? Buneos. 

Once again, I could not face my date alone. (This is a sign I need to stop making dates with this person, but once again...I am really bad at saying no.) This time, I recruited one of the original #livedating tweet-stars and her longtime boyfriend for #livedating: Double Date Edition. All three of us went to college together, so they are well aware of my shenanigans. 

First of all, I spent all day Saturday recovering from the Southerner. Ruff.

How do you survive a double date without alcohol? @alexmacroark I think I found my first negative consequence. #livedating

— Autumn Lee (@thejanklife) June 15, 2013

At fifteen minutes till, I still had not managed to pull my ass out of bed. My roommate yelled at me to "pull my shit together." So I did.

I don't always pull my shit together in 15 minutes, but when I do

I pray to the gods of Natural Beauty and hope for the best.

“@MikeKMorrison: Are you even alive @thejanklife? #livedating #babe cc:@AmandaKonarske” I'm here.

— Autumn Lee (@thejanklife) June 15, 2013

@MikeKMorrison @AmandaKonarske of course I'm not a total bitch. #livedating

— Autumn Lee (@thejanklife) June 15, 2013

You can see the full set of #livedating tweets on me tweeter, but since this is just a weekend update I'll stop now. Suffice to say, thank God for good food showing up and friends who live tweet for you. That was rough.

Nursery. Sex and the City marathon. New book. Reading. Repeat. Oh, and I guest blogged for Hang On, Honey on Your Incomplete Guide to Winery Games. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, please do! I worked really hard to come up with something good that I've gotten from my time dating assholes. Don't let me fall flat. 

XOXO,

Your Incomplete Guide To Winery Games

Hi kids!

Today I'm taking over Hang On, Honey with Your Incomplete Guide to Winery Games. Probably one of the few times you'll hear me talking about the wonderful things I learned from my ketchup-licking, monogamous mono men assholes. Don't forget, there's still time to link up your post for #bloggerproblemz!

#bloggerproblemz

Blogger problemz. We've all had them. Put a hashtag on it, share yours.

1. I finally wore a cute outfit and forgot to take a selfie. #bloggerproblemz

2. This person makes me put my name, email, blog address and a code to two unjumbled words just to tell them how perfect their post was. #bloggerproblemz

3. I went on a first date and they asked me what my hobby was. #bloggerproblemz

Uhhhh....I like writing weird little stories about my life and finding perfectly matching GIFS to go with them. I'm already planning how to incorporate the perfect one into my recap of this date. Uhhh no it's not like stalking, it's a community.

4. It's the end of the month and all my bloglovin posts are group giveaways. #bloggerproblemz

5. Blogger tells me the word "blogger" is misspelled every post. #bloggerproblemz

6. I don't have enough selfies to make a blog button. #bloggerproblemz

7. Someone I actually know found out about my blog. #bloggerproblemz

8. All the big blogs are writing dramatic posts about not caring about drama, but I'm just a little blog so I don't know what the eff they're talking about. I just know their dramatic declarations of no-drama are taking up my bloglovin feed for the next week and a half. #bloggerproblemz

9. I haven't dated an asshole in a while, and my blog claims to be about the journey of "learning how to stop dating assholes."#bloggerproblemz

10. I can't think of another item to make this an even-numbered list. #bloggerproblemz

I CANNOT WAIT to hear your #bloggerproblemz! The link will be open for one week, so make sure to get your #bloggerproblemz on and enter to win some great prizes. Be sure to check out my wonderful co-host of Blair's Head Band, grab a button and link up!

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