I found Elliott at the end of my cross-country road trip in a house full of strangers I found on Craig's List. I think our friendship was cemented when I drunkenly proclaimed "You know what's great? You're the first boy who doesn't want to kiss me. That's why we can be friends." (Clearly he loves me because I am the most humble of his friends.)
Here are several reasons why Elliott has become incredibly hard to replace as a male best friend:
1. He will walk half a mile down a busy road with you because you had a hot dog craving that could not be satisfied. Because he had a slurpie craving that could not be satisfied.
2. He makes sure I never take myself too seriously. There are really too many examples of this. Once, I was writing a letter to my at-the-time boyfriend and Elliott came along. I was being all emotional and girly. By the time Elliott and I were done with the letter, it looked like this:
3. He let me borrow his cat. *Side note: Elliott doesn't believe in having "fat cats." Meaning every day he would give his cat a set amount of food. Meaning every day, I would screw with this by feeding his cat whatever I wanted from my fridge. She was hungry.
4: He hid in my laundry hamper with me when the cops came to break up a fight outside of our house.
5. We once had an entire conversation using nothing but dolphin sounds.
6. He always knew when I needed a selfie, and never made me ask.
Pictures inside abandoned beach hobo huts don't scare him. Also a plus.
7. We went shopping together. He needed socks, and I tried on hooker heels.
8. You can go on dates, without all the things about dates you hate. No awkward "are we here to watch the movie or are we here to not watch the movie...?" You're always there to watch the movie.
9. He understands that if he's going to royally screw me over by making me go on a sex tour with our creep roommate, he needs to write a follow up blog post about it.
I am a high maintenance friend. But I like to think I'm worth it.